Yugo and Kento rp [part 4 of 10]
Aug. 6th, 2013 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chromaticAll warnings are the same as in Part 1!
Yugo stepped back and watched Kento go to work, a smile hovering on his lips as Kento poured the drinks with a flourish. At his words, Yugo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, a giggle escaping his lips. "Super delicious, huh?" he asked, taking his drink and sipping the mix hesitantly. Truth be told, it was quite good, or better, at least, than anything Yugo would have thought to make since he had become a dad, but he couldn't let Kento's ego run away with him, after all, and so he shrugged. "I guess it's okay," he teased, before nodding towards the other room, leading Kento back to the couch. This was nice, he thought, just he and Kento and sweet drinks and no obligations for the rest of the night, but once they were sitting beside one another, Yugo couldn't help but remember how it had felt to have Kento's arm around him, Kento's side pressed warm against his own. There was nothing inherently wrong with a little physical comfort to stave off the loneliness, but Yugo didn't trust himself now, not after last time, not after years and years of being alone left him so starved for attention that he would even, apparently, do the unthinkable. And so now he couldn't let himself go, no matter how lonely he was… but he couldn't think about it, he couldn't let himself wallow in it, not now, not while he had Kento with him. "So uh… how's life treating you…?" he asked lamely, and that was a stupid question after they'd already been together for more than three hours now, but he was at a loss for words, for anything but self pity.
Kento grinned back at Yugo, nodding in agreement. "They're more than okay, you know it~" he said, following Yugo to the living room. Once they were seated next to each other on the couch, though, Yugo suddenly seemed 100 times more tense than he had been a few moments earlier in the kitchen, clearly trying to avoid accidentally touching Kento and making awkward small talk on top of that. It was like the couch had set off some sort of panic in him, or being with Kento on the couch, more specifically, and Kento sighed, pursing his lips. They had been so steadfastly ignoring what had happened between them this whole time, and while Kento wished that it didn't have to be a big deal, it was, for both of them really, and it was starting to seem a little silly to try to just pretend it had never happened, if it was just going to make them upset anyway. Shrugging in answer to Yugo's question, he looked down at his drink, sighing again. "Look... Maybe... maybe we can't just pretend it never happened," he said, his eyes flicking over to glance at Yugo. "I don't want this to ruin anything... But you're not acting natural anyway."
At Kento's words, Yugo tensed, his eyes snapping up to meet Kento's in momentary panic. How could Kento say something like that? Sure, it was hard, when they had done something so awful, but… well, what other choice did they have? They were both married, they both had kids, and fessing up would only hurt everyone else involved. But yet, even the thought of their mistake was heavy on Yugo's mind, and the thought of keeping it a secret was almost unbearable. Still, the fact of the matter remained: Jesse would be out of town for almost two more weeks now, and Yugo was lonely, lonelier and lonelier each day that he was alone. And once Jesse was back, he'd be out late with work and filmings before turning around and leaving again, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Yugo couldn't ruin his friendship with Kento over this, he just couldn't, and crumpled in on himself, staring down pathetically into his drink. "What else can we do?" he finally asked, his voice small, weak. "Jesse's gone for two more weeks, and once I put Taira to bed, it's just me, all alone here in this big, empty apartment, and I don't know what to do, I can't give up being friends with you, too, because then I'll have no one at all…" But it sounded ridiculous, it sounded so pathetic, and Yugo forced a laugh despite the fact that he wanted to cry. Forcing himself to straighten slightly, he tossed back a good gulp of his drunk, and maybe, he thought wryly, he'd become an alcoholic at this rate, and that would at least give him something to fill the time. "I'm sorry," he trailed, trying to find the strength to look at Kento and failing, collapsing back in on himself again. "I'm pathetic. You… you should go home to your kids. This shouldn't be your problem."
Kento laughed bitterly, shaking his head. The last thing he wanted to do right now was go home again with no promise of another escape anytime soon, no promise of continuing his friendship with Yugo... And really, he didn't think Yugo was pathetic at all; to the contrary, he could understand where Yugo was coming from, how lonely he must feel, and he looked over at Yugo, who looked completely miserable staring down at his drink. "I... I would feel exactly the same way, in your position," he said quietly. "And, well, I don't want to give up being friends with you, either... I don't want to go home and leave this behind just because we can't forget what happened." And suddenly, Kento was the one who felt awkward, like he was suddenly much more keenly aware of Yugo's presence next to him on the couch than he had been a moment ago, because this felt all too close to the conversation they had had right there the week before. He tried to shake the feeling, though, taking a large sip of his drink and looking away from Yugo.
Yugo nodded slowly, taking another sip of his drink and sighing. He hated that he had gotten them into this situation, he hated not being able to relax even with the closest friend he had right now. It was awful, or perhaps he was awful, but there was no way they could let it get out, he knew. His life was miserable enough as it was, and he could practically see the small Fuma in the back of his mind gaping at him in horror, could practically hear Hokuto's critical tone asking him how could you do this to your husband, how could you do this to your child…? He was already alone within his family, with Jesse always gone and Taira barely old enough to count as a person at all; he couldn't bear to lose all of his friends, as well, and just the thought felt as if it was enough to crush him. "I'm… sorry for dumping all of this on you," he apologized quietly, licking his lips. When had his life turned into this, spending all of his time wallowing in self-pity and thinking about how miserable he was? It was pathetic.
Kento shook his head, glancing back over at Yugo. "Don't worry about it," he said. "That's... that's what friends are for, right?" He smiled a little, hoping that Yugo knew Kento didn't mind listening to Yugo's problems, that he was glad to have Yugo to listen to him complain sometimes, too... Because Yugo wasn't the only one who wasn't very happy with his home life right now, and now that they had started talking about their problems, Kento's most recent fight with Shori kept coming back to his mind, and he hated thinking about what their relationship had become. He took another sip of his drink, sinking down a little lower into the couch with a sigh.
Unable to keep from smiling just a little, genuinely, at Kento's comment, Yugo nodded, taking another sip of his drink. "Thanks… I… really am glad we're friends again," he replied honestly, nodding. Things were rough, even between he and Kento, but… just knowing that Kento would be a shoulder for him to lean on no matter what was steadying. Glancing at his companion, however, he realized that Kento was looking as if he needed a shoulder to lean on right now, and so Yugo tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, trying to catch his eye. "Is everything okay…?" he asked, which, in hindsight, sounded stupid, because of course everything wasn't okay, but he didn't exactly know how else to phrase it, especially here, in their current predicament. "If you need to talk… I'm here for you, too…"
Yugo's hand on Kento's shoulder was comforting, and Kento leaned into the touch slightly, sighing. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk about it or not, since even to a friend like Yugo, it was hard to admit how badly off course his marriage had gone. He was glad to have Yugo there with him, though, and somehow, after Yugo had opened up to him, talking about his own problems felt a little easier. He glanced over at Yugo, shrugging a little. "It feels like we hardly ever get along anymore," he admitted, sighing again. He didn't want to sound like he was fishing for pity, but when it came down to it, he was lonely too, and he was glad to have Yugo to lean on.
Rubbing Kento's back slightly when Kento leaned into the touch, Yugo nodded, glad to be able to provide some support for Kento, as well. While he was sorry to hear that Kento and Shori-kun were still having problems, there was something steadying about the knowledge that he wasn't the only one whose marriage was short of perfect. He wasn't sure he could provide much advice, seeing as he wasn't exactly in an ideal marriage either, but if he could at least be here for Kento, that was something, he thought. "I guess… you haven't been able to talk it out?" he asked, and okay, that sounded stupid, because of course they hadn't been able to talk if out if they were still having problems, but Yugo wasn't sure of what else to say when really, both of their situations were so bleak.
Kento shook his head, frowning unhappily. No, they hadn't been able to talk it out, and so much of the time when they did try to talk it only ended badly. Yugo's hand against his back was calming, though, and he looked over to meet Yugo's eyes, glad that it seemed like Yugo understood. "I don't want it to be like this, and... I'm sure he doesn't either, but..." Kento trailed off, because in the end, he didn't really know what the problem was. They were still the same two people, but somehow, nothing was the same as it used to be. Kento sighed, moving a little closer to Yugo and taking another sip of his drink, because even if he was glad that he could talk to Yugo about his problems, actually talking about them just seemed to be making him feel lonelier.
"I'm… I'm sorry," Yugo responded, not sure what to say. But it seemed like talking was at least somewhat comforting for Kento, if the way he was leaning into Yugo was any indication, and so Yugo slid an arm around his shoulders and squeezed slightly. He hadn't ever been close with Shori-kun, and Kento had gotten together with him while Yugo had been busy with other things in his life, but he'd heard about them from Fuma, about how they were perfect for one another and how Kento was finally settling down, and, of course, he'd been invited to the wedding and seen them, all smiles together, holding hands and bumping shoulders, and even though Yugo hadn't known either of them well at the time, he had been genuinely happy for them. And so now, to hear that things were going so poorly for Kento… Yugo didn't know what to say, especially when he clearly hadn't been any better at making his marriage work, and so he didn't know what else to do but to rub Kento's arm slowly, murmuring, "Somehow, things will work out…"
Kento nodded, sighing unhappily and leaning into Yugo. He certainly hoped things would work out somehow, but it was hard to see now how things could turn around right now. He hoped things would work out for Yugo, too, though, and he wrapped an arm around Yugo's waist, leaning his head a little onto Yugo's shoulder. It was lonely at home, even with Shori there, when they didn't understand each other, and it was with Yugo that he felt less lonely, like he had someone there who understood him... and he knew Yugo felt lonely too, lonelier than Kento with his husband so far away for so long. "It gets lonely," he said, and it sounded stupid when he said it, because Kento's husband wasn't the one in Hokkaido, but he couldn't take it back, and it wasn't a lie. He looked down at his lap, biting his lip a little, but he didn't move from where he was pressed up against Yugo's side, his arm still around Yugo's waist.
Yugo sighed, squeezing Kento's shoulders a little more and nodding. He knew the feeling-- of course, their situations were different, but he knew how it felt to be lonely, how it felt when it seemed as if his husband had forsaken him, and he was sure it was similar for Kento. "I know," he replied quietly, leaning a little into Kento in return. But it felt good, to be together like this, it felt as if, if nothing else, Kento's presence was enough to melt through the bitter loneliness, and it was enough, at the very least, to make Yugo feel a little bit optimistic. "If there's anything I can do…" he offered, trailing and leaning his head tentatively against Kento's, because even just by being here, Kento was making Yugo's life so much better, and Yugo wanted to do anything he could to do the same for Kento.
Kento shrugged a little, swallowing at the way having Yugo so close was making him feel warmer all over (or was that the gin?), bringing back memories of the last time they had been on the couch together like this, of how much they both had wanted it and how good it had felt to kiss Yugo, to feel their bare skin pressed together, to fuck him... But they couldn't do that again, obviously, the alcohol and the closeness and the loneliness were getting to him and he had to put it out of his mind. But still, being close to Yugo felt good, and it seemed like Yugo really did understand how he felt. They were both trapped in situations that just weren't the way they had thought things would turn out, and even if he wasn't sure what Yugo could do, he was glad to have him there. Tightening his arm around Yugo's waist, he nuzzled his head against Yugo's neck, sighing. "Thanks," he said. "And... you, too."
Yugo nodded slowly, soaking in the comforting feeling of Kento's head against his shoulder, his arm around Yugo's waist. It felt so good, all of it, having Kento close this way, and Yugo felt as if he had to savor it, because soon Kento would go home and leave Yugo all alone, in his big, empty bed without anyone around to share it, to provide Yugo with the love and support of which he was starved. "Just… just stay here with me a little longer…?" he asked quietly, feeling weak-- but really, who could blame him, when he had done everything he could to be strong for the past six years, when he had never voiced a complaint before about being left alone at home with Taira day after day, week after week, month after month? Who could blame him when every day his husband forsook him for the glamour of his idol career while Yugo was left in mediocrity and what might as well have been the lifestyle of a single dad, who could blame him when finally, after six years of relentless stress and loneliness, Yugo was finally beginning to crumble? And at the thought, suddenly, he felt even weaker, because all of his problems were piling higher and higher and weighing on him heavier and heavier, and he sighed, sinking farther into Kento's side. "I just… don't know what to do anymore. After six years of being left behind and left all alone at home… what am I supposed to do? I don't have a career, I don't have any escape, and I don't even have anyone to lean on for support…" He sighed again, feeling pathetic and folding in on himself slightly. "I… I just want someone who loves me, who's there for me. But nothing is ever going to change, and… it's not fair." He sounded like some petulant child whining, because since when was life fair? But really, was it too much to ask for when it felt like, besides Taira, he had nothing in life, nothing to hold on to? And when he was solely responsible for Taira's well being… who would take care of him when he needed it?
Kento felt something twisting in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Yugo, because it really wasn't fair. Why should Yugo have to be all alone, with no support or love... Why should either of them have to feel so lonely? It was awful and pointless and Yugo didn't deserve it at all... He deserved to have someone there for him, someone who understood him, and from Kento's position cuddled against Yugo's side, feeling like this was the only place where either of them felt a little less lonely, all he wanted to do was show Yugo that there could be someone there for him, that they could make the loneliness go away. And… they had done it once before, hadn't they? They had regretted it afterwards, but there was an awful little part of him that said why should they, when their situations were what they were… So Kento pulled away from Yugo's side slightly to turn to look at him, leaning his face a little closer to Yugo's and feeling his heart speed up with what he was about to do. "You have me," he told Yugo, but he wasn't going to do it if Yugo didn't want it too, so he paused with a few inches still between them, not sure how Yugo would react to what he was offering.
Yugo's eyes widened when he realized Kento's intentions, what he was offering, the decision he was dangling in front of Yugo's nose. Was he really… even after last time, after the guilt and regret, did Kento want…? Yugo was shocked, but even more than his surprise, there was a niggling feeling in the pit of his stomach, a squeeze in his chest that told him that despite the guilt, despite the regret, despite the fact that it wasn't Jesse's fault that he had to leave Yugo alone so much of the time and Yugo owed it to him to be a good husband and a good father to their child, he was weak, and he wanted Kento, wanted someone there who really and truly cared about Yugo, understood his problems and wanted to help him feel just a little less lonely. Clearly, Yugo's loneliness had never been a high concern on Jesse's list, but Kento… Kento understood him, Kento cared about him, and despite having been the one to leave Yugo behind first in their childhood, Kento clearly wanted him… and that felt good. What they had had together, as kids, so long ago, had been amazing, and maybe, Yugo thought, things were actually meant to work out this way…
It was a dangerous way to think, but, Yugo thought, maybe he had been worn too thin after six years of being worn to the emotional bone without companionship, or maybe he was just weak, but the reason didn't matter, in the end. Yugo only hesitated a moment more before leaning in to close the final gap between them, his eyes falling shut at the feeling of his lips brushing against Kento's. Somehow, it was easy to swallow the guilt and regret-- a little too easy, maybe-- when this was what had been so painfully absent from Yugo's life for so, so long now.
Kento let his eyes fall shut as well when Yugo closed the gap between them, his heart beating fast with the thought of what might have happened had Yugo refused--because though he hadn't thought about it in the moment, who knew what Kento's offer would have meant for their friendship then. But the feeling of Yugo's lips against his chased those thoughts from his mind, and he pressed a little closer so they were kissing for real, one hand resting against the small of Yugo's back and the other coming up to cup Yugo's jaw. It felt so good to finally give in to what they wanted, Kento thought, to let themselves take comfort in each other and give each other something they had both been so sorely lacking.
The feeling of Kento pulling him closer was amazing, and Yugo tilted his head into the kiss, melting into Kento. To have someone hold him close, someone who cared about him, who wanted him… it was amazing after spending so long all alone, and Yugo easily pushed the guilt from his mind in favor of putting his arms around Kento's neck, one hand moving to tangle in Kento's hair, the other sliding flat over his back. Just the knowledge that he had someone to lean on when he needed support, somehow to kiss his loneliness away when he needed love… it was overwhelming, and Yugo felt weak as he pressed closer to Kento still, clinging to him for support as well as for increased closeness. He knew he shouldn't be doing this… but who could blame him when Kento was his only light at the end of a long, lonely tunnel?
Later, lying on the couch with Yugo in his arms, Kento pressed a soft kiss to Yugo's lips, feeling sated and sleepy. He knew that what they had just done was wrong, that it was a bad idea and completely against any morals he had when it came to his relationship with Shori, but at the same time, being with Yugo felt like the best thing that had happened to him in ages, and he couldn't bear the thought of giving that up. And it was hard to focus on the bad things when Yugo was right there next to him, cuddled up to him with their legs entwined and his skin warm against Kento's. Kissing Yugo again, he let out a soft sigh, reluctant to break the mood and speak, although he knew he would have to get up and leave eventually.
Kento's kisses, his warm embrace, the way he was holding Yugo so close… it was all so wonderful, practically intoxicating after so long Yugo had spent alone, and he couldn't bring himself to move away, not when this was what he had been craving so badly for the past week, the past few months, the past few years. Sighing, he slid his arms across Kento's back, his shoulders, holding him close. The last thing he wanted to do was to move from this position, to face the reality of the fact that he had-- they both had-- cheated, and for a second time. But more than that, Yugo didn't want to face the prospect of Kento leaving him and going home, and that in and of itself made this whole thing worse. What had he become, Yugo wondered, even as he found himself nuzzling into Kento's shoulder, as if burying his face would let him hide from his problems. But it wouldn't, and so, after another moment, he took a deep breath, leaning up to press a brief kiss to Kento's lips before letting his head fall back against the sofa so that he could meet Kento's eyes. "Nakajima…" he trailed, swallowing letting out a shaky breath, "Kento… where do we go from here?"
Kento sighed again, tightening his arms around Yugo at the worry in Yugo's voice. Kento wasn't sure where they were going to go from there; he hadn't thought that far ahead, only that he didn't want to give up being with Yugo. It wasn't like they could just be together, though, because they both had kids and responsibilities, and husbands they loved, in the end... Because when it came down to it, it wasn't that Kento wanted to get out of his marriage, just that he wished it could go back to the way it had been when things were good, and he thought Yugo probably felt the same way. But at the same time, he couldn't bear the thought of giving up what he had with Yugo, what felt like his only escape anymore, and the only person who seemed to understand him. "No one can find out... right?" He looked at Yugo, hoping that he was right and Yugo did feel the same way.
Yugo nodded slowly, his fingers curling against Kento's skin as he let Kento pull him closer. "No one can find out," he agreed quietly, because despite the fact that some part of him still couldn't help but wait for Jesse to get back from his tour, some part of him could still remember their wedding, how everything had been when they were younger, in the end, he was too weak. He wanted to be with Kento this way, he wanted this, and laying here in Kento's arms, it was only more clear to him. He loved Jesse, loved his family, wanted so badly to be a good husband, a good father, but… he could only bear so much. He wasn't sure what he was allowing to happen, he wasn't sure what he was doing, but… one thing was for sure, he didn't want to leave Kento's arms, and he didn't want things to end up like last time, with the looming fear of never seeing Kento again. "No one can find out… but… I don't want you to go," he admitted, pressing his face into Kento's shoulder again, wishing he really could hide from reality.
Kento nodded, nuzzling his face into Yugo's hair. He didn't want to go either, didn't want to leave Yugo's warm embrace to face reality again, but he knew he had to if he didn't want Shori to find out what he had been up to. "When can we see each other again?" he asked, trying to think through his schedule for the near future in his still sleepy mind. He didn't want to go too long without seeing Yugo again, though, because leaving last time with no promise of a next time had felt awful, and there was no way he could do it again. "Is it okay if I come over again?" he added, and maybe inviting himself over wasn't the most polite, but he thought that Jesse's band had another week or two on this leg of their tour, and he wasn't going to hide how much he wanted to do this again.
"Of course," Yugo replied maybe a little too quickly, a little too eagerly. It was a poor decision; even if Jesse was away (and god, it was awful of him to think of it all in these terms), there was still Taira; more than anything else, Yugo couldn't bear the thought of Taira ever finding out about this, but… well, he hadn't found out last time, and the thought of going even more than a few days without seeing Kento was just too awful to bear. Pushing all of negative thoughts out of his mind-- it was the last thing he wanted to think about in his last few moments here with Kento, after all-- he tried to remember his schedule for the next few days. Life was crazy when Jesse was out of town, with work and obligations for Taira, but he'd find time, he'd make time, if he had to. "I have Endless Shock rehearsals late tomorrow and the next day," he started apologetically, wincing at the thought of how he was going to have to use his lunch break to run and pick Taira up from his elementary school before asking some poor staff member to entertain him for the rest of the evening, until Yugo was finally done around eight pm. It was hard on both of them when Jesse was gone, but… well, if being able to lean on Kento gave Yugo a better outlook on things, then it would be better for Taira in the end, too, right? He tried not to think about how awful it was for him to justify it that way, instead concentrating on trying to remember when he had free time. "But… I think the day after that should work for me… if you're free…?" He prayed Kento would be; his schedule was a mess, and if they couldn't find time to be together until next weekend, Yugo was certain he would die of loneliness.
Kento ran through his schedule in his head, trying to remember if there was any reason that three days from then wouldn't work. Sexy Zone was busy with rehearsals for their upcoming tour, but since all five members now had young kids, the rehearsals wouldn't last into the evening, and he didn't think he had any TV appearances or anything that night. He didn't think Shori had anything, either, but if he did, Kento could always call a babysitter... This whole thing was completely irresponsible, he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to care when it felt like exactly what had been missing from his life lately, and he nodded into Yugo's hair. "I think I'm free," he answered, glad that they didn't have to leave things the way they had last time. And now he knew he should get up and get himself cleaned up to leave... but a few more minutes couldn't hurt, right? He was so comfortable with Yugo beside him, and he let himself relax again, postponing reality for a few more moments.
Yugo curled into Kento, tightening his arms around Kento's back-- he couldn't help it, not when he was dreading Kento leaving him, and not when the threat was becoming more and more real with every second. "You'll call?" he asked hesitantly, and that sounded so needy, so awful, but he couldn't help it, not when he finally had someone to hold onto, someone to hold him up when he needed the support so desperately. Certainly, Yugo had friends, he would see Fuma tomorrow morning when he picked up Taira, and then he'd see Yuma and Taiga at work, and he had all the little juniors who looked up to him, and of course he had Taira, his baby, the most important person in his life, but none of it was quite the same. Yugo had to keep up a brave face in front of all those people-- his friends had their own lives, their own problems, and he couldn't show any weakness in front of all the children who depended on him, least of all his own son. The only person he had to fall back on was Kento, and he didn't want Kento to leave him, not now. "You'll… you'll call before Tuesday, right…?" he continued quietly, tilting his head to rest against Kento's shoulder again and hoping Kento would understand.
"Yeah," Kento agreed, running his hand up and down Yugo's back, "I'll call and we can make plans." Talking to Yugo would be something else to look forward to, then, in the wait for Tuesday, and while Kento knew that thinking of it that way couldn't mean anything good about the rest of the things in his life, it was true that most of it felt pretty hard to face right now. But for now he focused on Yugo, resting his chin against Yugo's head and holding him close for a few more minutes.
Yugo held onto Kento for as long as he could, but soon enough, Kento had to leave, apologies and promises to call soon on his lips. Yugo hated to see him go; without even Taira home, the apartment was sickeningly empty once he was gone, and as he showered and slunk to bed all alone, there was nothing to distract him from thinking about what he had done, what he was doing. Because what was he doing? What was this? Casual extramarital sex? An affair? It didn't feel like either of those things, though, and Yugo was at once weighed down with guilt and confused as to what they were even thinking and overwhelmed with the feeling that no matter what, he needed to be with Kento this way again, the feeling that he was already counting down the moments until they would get to see one another…
Eventually, he was able to sleep from sheer exhaustion alone, at least for a few hours before his alarm woke him bright and early the next morning. He was to run a rehearsal for the juniors in Endless Shock starting at ten thirty, and today, he was going to have to go out of his way to pick up Taira from Fuma's. The whole thing felt daunting in his current emotional state on only three hours of sleep; days at the rehearsal hall were always difficult for Taira, even despite how good of a child he usually was, and Yugo knew being forced to play with his toys alone for hours only added to how much he missed his other dad. And of course, running rehearsal always took more out of him than rehearsing, as neither Taiga nor Yuma were required today, so Yugo would be essentially on his own, besides the twenty or so kids for whom he was responsible. And while Yugo loved working with them, loved watching them grow, it was almost crushing to know that only a handful of them would make it on, that so many of them would quit, would never debut, would end up trapped, like Yugo…
At the very least, everything he had to do before heading to work was enough to keep his mind off of whatever it was he had done-- was doing-- with Kento, and so he forced himself out of bed, dressing quickly and forcing himself to eat a bowl of microwaved leftover rice as he reviewed his rehearsal notes. After that, he had to pack a bag of toys and books to entertain Taira, as well as his own bag for rehearsal, and then it was off to the rehearsal hall by way of Fuma's.
Yugo had been to Fuma's so many times that he could practically drive there with his eyes closed, and so, once he was in the car, everything he needed to accomplish before getting to the rehearsal hall taken care of, his mind began to wander, back to last night, back to Kento. What were they thinking? What were they doing? Yugo was lonely, but certainly he could be strong, certainly he could hold out… only what was he holding out for, really? For the past six years, ever since Taira was born, he had been holding out, being the good single dad, juggling dissatisfaction at work with the stress of home life while Jesse stayed out late and worked all day and never had a moment to spare. There was no hope, it seemed, of things ever changing, and Yugo couldn't go on this way. But Kento… Kento understood him… but being with Kento made him awful, made him a horrible husband and a horrible father and--
By the time he had made it to Fuma and Hokuto's apartment, Yugo had worked himself into a tizzy, and he knew that this was no way to run a rehearsal. Glancing at his watch, he had a few moments to spare, and so, as he made his way into the building and up to Fuma's floor, he thought, maybe a brief chat with Fuma would help him clear his mind… or something. There was nothing to do but try, anyway, and so he took a deep breath, ringing the doorbell and trying to put on a brave face.
When Yugo had called to ask if it was all right for Taira to stay the night, Fuma couldn't have been happier. Taira was happily playing with Kensou, after all, and Fuma was sure he would be just as happy to stay. An extra kid to take care of was just the thing to break up another long week with Hokuto away--another person to get comfortably tucked into bed, and he'd need an extra futon and some pajamas, and this was the perfect excuse to make a fancy breakfast in the morning... Fuma was already running through ideas for what kind of pancakes he could make before Yugo had even hung up the phone, and it was with a smile that he assured Yugo not to worry and to have fun before he went to tell Taira the change in plans.
And besides the fact that Fuma was always happy to have more kids around, he was glad for Yugo and Kento, as well. He knew that Yugo must be stressed between his own work and taking care of Taira while Jesse was away on such a long tour, and he deserved a night out to relax, so Fuma was glad that it seemed like he was really doing so. And Kento... Fuma had been a little worried about Kento as of late, although he wasn't really sure what was wrong. He hadn't quite seemed himself, though, whatever it was, and maybe rekindling his old friendship with Yugo would help cheer him back up again.
With these thoughts in mind, Fuma let a very excited Taira "help" him put the baby to bed before setting up the extra futon in Kensou and Keiya's room, telling Taira that he was going to be such a good father someday, just like his own Papa. Keiya sweetly offered to let Taira borrow one of his stuffed animals for the night, and by the time everything was set up and all three boys had changed into their pajamas, the phone was ringing for Hokuto's nightly good night call. When Fuma told him that Taira was staying the night, Hokuto--always thoughtful, always the perfect dad--insisted on putting Jesse on the line so Taira could say good night, too. After Fuma hung up, promising to call back again before he went to bed, he tucked the kids into bed, kissing all three of them good night before turning out the lights. It made Fuma's heart swell to see them lying there, his and Hokuto's and Yugo's and Jesse's beautiful children, just like he had always dreamed about, and he had to swallow back his emotions before going back to the kitchen to tidy up and kill the time before it was time to call Hokuto again.
Everything went smoothly the next morning, as well, and Taira was all ready to go and watching Sunday morning TV with Kensou and Keiya by the time Yugo arrived. Fuma answered the door with a smile, inviting Yugo inside. "Good morning," he greeted. "How are you?"
Yugo did his best to smile as he bade Fuma good morning, stepping into Fuma's genkan and shrugging. "Tired," he answered honestly, forcing a bit of a laugh, "And I have a long day of rehearsal ahead of me...." Tired didn't even begin to cover it, but what exactly could he say to Fuma? Even if Fuma was his best friend, there was no way he could ever find out about what Yugo had done last night, what he was planning on doing again on Tuesday night, and the knowledge weighed on Yugo's chest. Trying to swallow back the guilt and the frustration, Yugo glanced past Fuma into the living room, where Taira seemed engrossed in some anime show beside Fuma's oldest two. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble," he added, for lack of anything better to say, "I'm sure he had a great time." Honestly, he didn't understand how Fuma managed it all without Hokuto around when Yugo was worn out at the end of each day, but, Yugo supposed, Fuma's life, his family, his marriage were all perfect… how could he ever understand what Yugo was going through? Still, just the same as Yugo, his husband was away on tour, and maybe, just maybe, that meant that he would understand a little of Yugo's daily struggle. Maybe bringing it up was a bad idea, but Yugo didn't know what else to do to lift his spirits before facing a crowd of twenty-plus thirteen to eighteen year old juniors, and so he sighed, running a hand though his hair. "I just don't know how you do it, with Hokuto gone," he added with another forced laugh, looking down at his feet, avoiding Fuma's eyes. Don't you get lonely, he wanted to ask, but he knew that Hokuto called home at least once, often twice or even three times a day while he was on tour, while Jesse usually managed to get a call in to say goodnight to Taira maybe three or four times a week. Yugo had always told him not to stress over calling home, but some part of him wished that despite that, Jesse thought about Yugo even some fraction of the amount that Yugo thought about Jesse while he was gone. It was a dangerous train of thought, though, and so he rolled his lips together, trying to find the right words. "Don't you… ever run out of strength?"
Fuma shook his head, smiling. "He wasn't any trouble at all," he assured Yugo. "I'm happy to have him any time." Yugo did look tired, though, and it seemed like even after his night out, he still felt like he had too much on his plate... But he considered Yugo's question for a moment, thinking about the long days he spent juggling his own work obligations with caring for an elementary schooler, a preschooler, and a baby when Hokuto was away, the long nights sleeping alone in their bed... but while he was tired, to be sure, and while sometimes it was hard to handle it all on his own, hard to get to sleep by himself after so many years of having Hokuto by his side, taking care of his kids was always more than its own reward, and when things got tough, Hokuto was always only a phone call or a text message away. And of course they talked every day, and Fuma hardly ever had to go to bed without a good night call or at least a text from Hokuto to keep him company, whether he was the one at home or on tour. "I get tired," Fuma agreed, looking at Yugo's unhappy expression with concern, "And I miss him a lot... But we talk every day, and... well, I guess the kids give me strength," he said, giving Yugo a small smile. "You're lucky to have Taira," he added, his smile growing. "He's a really great kid."
As Yugo listened to Fuma talk, it felt like a punch to the gut; even now, with their busy schedules, Fuma and Hokuto's relationship was practically perfect, and Fuma clearly faced none of the problems that plagued Yugo every day. But it was what he had been expecting, really, and so he tried to swallow back the bitterness, focusing instead on Fuma's comments about Taira. Smiling softly, he nodded. "He is," he agreed, looking against past Fuma to his son in the other room, still highly engaged in the giant robots on the TV screen to the point that he hadn't realized that his father had arrived. "I love him more than anything in the world," he added quietly, and above all else, it was true. With that thought in mind, he turned back to Fuma offering a bit stronger of a smile. "Maybe I'll leave him with you more often, if you really don't mind," he commented with a laugh, "I'm sure he has way more fun here than he has stuck at rehearsal with me." And there was no way he would discover Yugo and Kento's… whatever it was, then, as well, but Yugo tried to push that thought from his mind, tried not to think about just how horrible it made him to have thought such a thing in the first place. "Thanks so much for having him."
Fuma smiled at the way Yugo looked past him at Taira, his love for his son clear in his expression. Yugo really was a great dad, but of course, Fuma had always known that he would be a good parent, ever since they were kids. "We're happy to have him anytime," he told Yugo before turning around to look at the kids in front of the TV. "Taira, your papa is here!" he called, smiling at how engrossed they were. Yugo was clearly tired now, but Fuma was sure he could manage everything somehow, and soon enough this round of Hokuto and Jesse's band's touring would be over as well. "Call any time you want, really," he said, turning back to Yugo and giving him a one-armed hug, hoping Yugo knew he was there for him whenever he needed something.
"Thanks," Yugo replied with a smile, letting his head fall to rest on Fuma's shoulder for a moment. Fuma was his best friend, and even if he didn't understand… well, Yugo hoped they could see one another a little more often while their husbands were both out of town. For now, though, Taira had finally realized he was here and was coming over to him with a wide grin, arms spread wide, and Yugo couldn't help but smile back as he scooped his son into his arms. Yes, things in his life were difficult, but… he had Taira, and somehow, things would be okay.
He was beginning to feel less optimistic by midday, however, after four hours of rehearsal with a group of rowdy kids with short attention spans. Reon-kun set a good example for the group, but the other boy his age, Yamashita Pin, was a troublemaker, and Yugo simply didn't have it in him to deal with an eighteen year old hotshot who thought he knew better than Yugo. And of course, Taira was beginning to get restless; he had played with his toys and colored quietly for a few hours, but he was only six, and Yugo hated to leave him alone this way. An hour after lunch break ended, he came into the rehearsal hall seeking affection, but while Yugo wanted badly to give it to him, he could only run rehearsal with a six year old in his arms for so long. By the end of the day, he was tired, frustrated, and stressed, and he could tell Taira felt similarly (or at least, the six-year-old version thereof), and while Yugo did everything he could to cheer them both up, taking Taira Denny's for dinner and letting him have ice cream afterwards, he couldn't help but feel the situation was hopeless.
Monday was even worse; Yugo was forced to forego his lunch break in order to pick Taira up from school at two when he got done; Taiga was kind enough to grab him a few onigiri from the conbini to scarf down when he got back, but it was hardly a balanced meal. And then, of course, Taira was forced to endure more lonely waiting while Yugo rehearsed late into the evening, and when, in the car on the way home, he asked when is Daddy coming home? for the fourth or fifth time that day, Yugo felt like he could cry. But he couldn't-- he had to be strong for his baby, and so he swallowed back the frustration and the loneliness and drove them home so that he could put Taira to bed and spend the night all alone… again.
But then Tuesday came around, and it was a light at the end of the tunnel. The day felt as if it dragged, but Yugo didn't have as much rehearsal as he had been having, and so he was able to come home early and make Taira a real dinner and check his homework and watch TV with him before tucking him in. He felt a little guilty, rushing him off to bed a few minutes early, but he knew Taira was a heavy sleeper, and he didn't want the boy to be awake to see Kento arrive yet again. And so, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was being a bad father in the back of his mind, he kissed Taira goodnight before finally getting his reprieve at long last. He almost didn't feel guilty this time, he was so desperate for any source of support, any source of affection he could find, even after only three days. But sitting on the sofa beside Kento, sharing cigarettes on the balcony, drinking and talking and laughing together was amazing, and Yugo couldn't help but forget the guilt just a little bit when this was what he so badly needed to pull him through.
The next three days felt far too long to Kento. He should have been happy to be back in concert rehearsals; this was their first tour since before he and Shori and Marius and Sou had had Ryusei and Hans, and the break had been prolonged when Fuma and Hokuto had their third child, so it had been over a year and a half since their last real concert tour, since they'd gotten to see fans all around the country. Their recent Tokyo shows had done a little to get Kento pumped up for the tour, but since then, his relationship with Shori had only continued to go downhill, and it was hard to enjoy the rehearsals and the anticipation when so many parts of it were about performing together. Kento could still feel it sometimes, the chemistry and energy between them when they really got into a song, but those moments were getting harder and harder to find, especially now that they were talking less and less. And after what he had done with Yugo--after what he had decided to do--it felt even harder to face Shori, so mostly, Kento tried not to. It felt awful to do that, because he did love Shori, and beyond its effect on Shori, there was their kids and their band to think about... But Kento didn't know what else to do besides try to ignore it, throwing himself into the performance as much as he could and looking forward to another respite on Tuesday night.
And Tuesday night was perfect, relaxing on the couch with Yugo, sharing Kento's cigarettes on the balcony, drinking and talking and laughing and sharing long kisses and eventually more. It was exactly what Kento needed, and before he had even left Yugo's house again, he was already wishing they could do it more often. Of course, they really couldn't, but Kento promised to call and text Yugo until they could find a time to see each other again. Kento made good on his promise over the next few days, amusing himself by texting Yugo during breaks in his rehearsals and photoshoots and awaiting Yugo's texts back with stories of the juniors' antics (or Taiga's, or Taira's), and one day, he was surprised to get a text from Yugo saying that he was in the same studio as Kento for a magazine shoot. Kento quickly texted back that he was in the same place for a solo shoot, grinning at the coincidence as he changed into his clothes for the shoot.
Tuesday felt far too brief to Yugo, briefer that Saturday, even, and worse, as their time together drew to a close, he and Kento had been unable to find a time when they would be able to meet again. It was awful, but Yugo's patience seemed to be growing weaker and weaker with each indulgence, and the thought that he wouldn't be able to see Kento within the next two or three days felt as if the world was crashing in on him. But it certainly wasn't, not more than he was causing it to by being with Kento in the first place, anyway, and so he swallowed back his emotions and put on a brave face as he bid Kento goodbye with a final goodnight kiss in the early hours of Wednesday morning.
And besides, he didn't have absolutely nothing; Kento made a point to text him regularly over the next few days, something they hadn't done since they were kids. It was nice, to hear about how his day was going, his bandmates and his kids and his bandmates' kids, and it helped stave off the loneliness at least a little, to have Kento to talk to. But then one day, by some beautiful coincidence, Kento responded to Yugo's text about being in the Winkup studios for a short photoshoot and interview for an article about Endless Shock with the information that he, too, was in the Winkup studios. Yugo almost cried as he read the words, the possibility of being able to meet dangling right before his eyes, and he hurriedly texted back, asking when Kento's shoot was and when he would have a break or be done. If they could meet, even just for a few moments, Yugo knew that it would make his day feel exponentially less long and tiring, and when he knew he was going to have to hurry through rush hour traffic later that day to pick Taira up before going straight to a production meeting, he needed the extra boost.
Kento smiled as he read Yugo's text, excited at the prospect of being able to spend some time together. He texted Yugo back with his schedule, telling him that he had a little free time after his shoot before he had to leave to take Jinsei to his dance class and to come by his dressing room whenever he had a chance. It already felt like ages since they had last hung out, and even if work wasn't necessarily the safest place to be doing so... none of Kento's bandmates were around, at least, and it wasn't like they were going to do anything if they weren't behind closed (and locked) doors. The anticipation gave him a boost during the shoot, and the staff complimented his smile several times--not that Kento's smile didn't always deserve complimenting, but looking forward to seeing Yugo certainly made it come more easily.
Yugo had just returned from having his photos taken when he noticed the LED on his phone flashing, indicating a new text message. Waking up the screen, he quickly read Kento's message, anticipation bubbling in his chest. If Kento had some free time, then they could meet, they could spend even a little time together-- and perhaps how excited it was making him was something he should have been trying to quell, something for which he should have been feeling guilty, but he couldn't help it, not when Kento was quickly becoming essentially the only thing to lift Yugo's mood in otherwise hectic, stressful days.
He had a bit of a break between his photos and the interview portion of the article, and so he changed in a hurry back to his own clothes before heading out to the dressing room Kento had said was his, thankful for his good luck. Even the elevator ride up two floors felt as if it took forever, but finally, he arrived at the room that, sure enough, was labeled "Nakajima Kento." Taking a deep breath, he knocked, already dreading the time when they would be forced by obligation to separate again.
Part 5
Yugo stepped back and watched Kento go to work, a smile hovering on his lips as Kento poured the drinks with a flourish. At his words, Yugo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, a giggle escaping his lips. "Super delicious, huh?" he asked, taking his drink and sipping the mix hesitantly. Truth be told, it was quite good, or better, at least, than anything Yugo would have thought to make since he had become a dad, but he couldn't let Kento's ego run away with him, after all, and so he shrugged. "I guess it's okay," he teased, before nodding towards the other room, leading Kento back to the couch. This was nice, he thought, just he and Kento and sweet drinks and no obligations for the rest of the night, but once they were sitting beside one another, Yugo couldn't help but remember how it had felt to have Kento's arm around him, Kento's side pressed warm against his own. There was nothing inherently wrong with a little physical comfort to stave off the loneliness, but Yugo didn't trust himself now, not after last time, not after years and years of being alone left him so starved for attention that he would even, apparently, do the unthinkable. And so now he couldn't let himself go, no matter how lonely he was… but he couldn't think about it, he couldn't let himself wallow in it, not now, not while he had Kento with him. "So uh… how's life treating you…?" he asked lamely, and that was a stupid question after they'd already been together for more than three hours now, but he was at a loss for words, for anything but self pity.
Kento grinned back at Yugo, nodding in agreement. "They're more than okay, you know it~" he said, following Yugo to the living room. Once they were seated next to each other on the couch, though, Yugo suddenly seemed 100 times more tense than he had been a few moments earlier in the kitchen, clearly trying to avoid accidentally touching Kento and making awkward small talk on top of that. It was like the couch had set off some sort of panic in him, or being with Kento on the couch, more specifically, and Kento sighed, pursing his lips. They had been so steadfastly ignoring what had happened between them this whole time, and while Kento wished that it didn't have to be a big deal, it was, for both of them really, and it was starting to seem a little silly to try to just pretend it had never happened, if it was just going to make them upset anyway. Shrugging in answer to Yugo's question, he looked down at his drink, sighing again. "Look... Maybe... maybe we can't just pretend it never happened," he said, his eyes flicking over to glance at Yugo. "I don't want this to ruin anything... But you're not acting natural anyway."
At Kento's words, Yugo tensed, his eyes snapping up to meet Kento's in momentary panic. How could Kento say something like that? Sure, it was hard, when they had done something so awful, but… well, what other choice did they have? They were both married, they both had kids, and fessing up would only hurt everyone else involved. But yet, even the thought of their mistake was heavy on Yugo's mind, and the thought of keeping it a secret was almost unbearable. Still, the fact of the matter remained: Jesse would be out of town for almost two more weeks now, and Yugo was lonely, lonelier and lonelier each day that he was alone. And once Jesse was back, he'd be out late with work and filmings before turning around and leaving again, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Yugo couldn't ruin his friendship with Kento over this, he just couldn't, and crumpled in on himself, staring down pathetically into his drink. "What else can we do?" he finally asked, his voice small, weak. "Jesse's gone for two more weeks, and once I put Taira to bed, it's just me, all alone here in this big, empty apartment, and I don't know what to do, I can't give up being friends with you, too, because then I'll have no one at all…" But it sounded ridiculous, it sounded so pathetic, and Yugo forced a laugh despite the fact that he wanted to cry. Forcing himself to straighten slightly, he tossed back a good gulp of his drunk, and maybe, he thought wryly, he'd become an alcoholic at this rate, and that would at least give him something to fill the time. "I'm sorry," he trailed, trying to find the strength to look at Kento and failing, collapsing back in on himself again. "I'm pathetic. You… you should go home to your kids. This shouldn't be your problem."
Kento laughed bitterly, shaking his head. The last thing he wanted to do right now was go home again with no promise of another escape anytime soon, no promise of continuing his friendship with Yugo... And really, he didn't think Yugo was pathetic at all; to the contrary, he could understand where Yugo was coming from, how lonely he must feel, and he looked over at Yugo, who looked completely miserable staring down at his drink. "I... I would feel exactly the same way, in your position," he said quietly. "And, well, I don't want to give up being friends with you, either... I don't want to go home and leave this behind just because we can't forget what happened." And suddenly, Kento was the one who felt awkward, like he was suddenly much more keenly aware of Yugo's presence next to him on the couch than he had been a moment ago, because this felt all too close to the conversation they had had right there the week before. He tried to shake the feeling, though, taking a large sip of his drink and looking away from Yugo.
Yugo nodded slowly, taking another sip of his drink and sighing. He hated that he had gotten them into this situation, he hated not being able to relax even with the closest friend he had right now. It was awful, or perhaps he was awful, but there was no way they could let it get out, he knew. His life was miserable enough as it was, and he could practically see the small Fuma in the back of his mind gaping at him in horror, could practically hear Hokuto's critical tone asking him how could you do this to your husband, how could you do this to your child…? He was already alone within his family, with Jesse always gone and Taira barely old enough to count as a person at all; he couldn't bear to lose all of his friends, as well, and just the thought felt as if it was enough to crush him. "I'm… sorry for dumping all of this on you," he apologized quietly, licking his lips. When had his life turned into this, spending all of his time wallowing in self-pity and thinking about how miserable he was? It was pathetic.
Kento shook his head, glancing back over at Yugo. "Don't worry about it," he said. "That's... that's what friends are for, right?" He smiled a little, hoping that Yugo knew Kento didn't mind listening to Yugo's problems, that he was glad to have Yugo to listen to him complain sometimes, too... Because Yugo wasn't the only one who wasn't very happy with his home life right now, and now that they had started talking about their problems, Kento's most recent fight with Shori kept coming back to his mind, and he hated thinking about what their relationship had become. He took another sip of his drink, sinking down a little lower into the couch with a sigh.
Unable to keep from smiling just a little, genuinely, at Kento's comment, Yugo nodded, taking another sip of his drink. "Thanks… I… really am glad we're friends again," he replied honestly, nodding. Things were rough, even between he and Kento, but… just knowing that Kento would be a shoulder for him to lean on no matter what was steadying. Glancing at his companion, however, he realized that Kento was looking as if he needed a shoulder to lean on right now, and so Yugo tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, trying to catch his eye. "Is everything okay…?" he asked, which, in hindsight, sounded stupid, because of course everything wasn't okay, but he didn't exactly know how else to phrase it, especially here, in their current predicament. "If you need to talk… I'm here for you, too…"
Yugo's hand on Kento's shoulder was comforting, and Kento leaned into the touch slightly, sighing. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk about it or not, since even to a friend like Yugo, it was hard to admit how badly off course his marriage had gone. He was glad to have Yugo there with him, though, and somehow, after Yugo had opened up to him, talking about his own problems felt a little easier. He glanced over at Yugo, shrugging a little. "It feels like we hardly ever get along anymore," he admitted, sighing again. He didn't want to sound like he was fishing for pity, but when it came down to it, he was lonely too, and he was glad to have Yugo to lean on.
Rubbing Kento's back slightly when Kento leaned into the touch, Yugo nodded, glad to be able to provide some support for Kento, as well. While he was sorry to hear that Kento and Shori-kun were still having problems, there was something steadying about the knowledge that he wasn't the only one whose marriage was short of perfect. He wasn't sure he could provide much advice, seeing as he wasn't exactly in an ideal marriage either, but if he could at least be here for Kento, that was something, he thought. "I guess… you haven't been able to talk it out?" he asked, and okay, that sounded stupid, because of course they hadn't been able to talk if out if they were still having problems, but Yugo wasn't sure of what else to say when really, both of their situations were so bleak.
Kento shook his head, frowning unhappily. No, they hadn't been able to talk it out, and so much of the time when they did try to talk it only ended badly. Yugo's hand against his back was calming, though, and he looked over to meet Yugo's eyes, glad that it seemed like Yugo understood. "I don't want it to be like this, and... I'm sure he doesn't either, but..." Kento trailed off, because in the end, he didn't really know what the problem was. They were still the same two people, but somehow, nothing was the same as it used to be. Kento sighed, moving a little closer to Yugo and taking another sip of his drink, because even if he was glad that he could talk to Yugo about his problems, actually talking about them just seemed to be making him feel lonelier.
"I'm… I'm sorry," Yugo responded, not sure what to say. But it seemed like talking was at least somewhat comforting for Kento, if the way he was leaning into Yugo was any indication, and so Yugo slid an arm around his shoulders and squeezed slightly. He hadn't ever been close with Shori-kun, and Kento had gotten together with him while Yugo had been busy with other things in his life, but he'd heard about them from Fuma, about how they were perfect for one another and how Kento was finally settling down, and, of course, he'd been invited to the wedding and seen them, all smiles together, holding hands and bumping shoulders, and even though Yugo hadn't known either of them well at the time, he had been genuinely happy for them. And so now, to hear that things were going so poorly for Kento… Yugo didn't know what to say, especially when he clearly hadn't been any better at making his marriage work, and so he didn't know what else to do but to rub Kento's arm slowly, murmuring, "Somehow, things will work out…"
Kento nodded, sighing unhappily and leaning into Yugo. He certainly hoped things would work out somehow, but it was hard to see now how things could turn around right now. He hoped things would work out for Yugo, too, though, and he wrapped an arm around Yugo's waist, leaning his head a little onto Yugo's shoulder. It was lonely at home, even with Shori there, when they didn't understand each other, and it was with Yugo that he felt less lonely, like he had someone there who understood him... and he knew Yugo felt lonely too, lonelier than Kento with his husband so far away for so long. "It gets lonely," he said, and it sounded stupid when he said it, because Kento's husband wasn't the one in Hokkaido, but he couldn't take it back, and it wasn't a lie. He looked down at his lap, biting his lip a little, but he didn't move from where he was pressed up against Yugo's side, his arm still around Yugo's waist.
Yugo sighed, squeezing Kento's shoulders a little more and nodding. He knew the feeling-- of course, their situations were different, but he knew how it felt to be lonely, how it felt when it seemed as if his husband had forsaken him, and he was sure it was similar for Kento. "I know," he replied quietly, leaning a little into Kento in return. But it felt good, to be together like this, it felt as if, if nothing else, Kento's presence was enough to melt through the bitter loneliness, and it was enough, at the very least, to make Yugo feel a little bit optimistic. "If there's anything I can do…" he offered, trailing and leaning his head tentatively against Kento's, because even just by being here, Kento was making Yugo's life so much better, and Yugo wanted to do anything he could to do the same for Kento.
Kento shrugged a little, swallowing at the way having Yugo so close was making him feel warmer all over (or was that the gin?), bringing back memories of the last time they had been on the couch together like this, of how much they both had wanted it and how good it had felt to kiss Yugo, to feel their bare skin pressed together, to fuck him... But they couldn't do that again, obviously, the alcohol and the closeness and the loneliness were getting to him and he had to put it out of his mind. But still, being close to Yugo felt good, and it seemed like Yugo really did understand how he felt. They were both trapped in situations that just weren't the way they had thought things would turn out, and even if he wasn't sure what Yugo could do, he was glad to have him there. Tightening his arm around Yugo's waist, he nuzzled his head against Yugo's neck, sighing. "Thanks," he said. "And... you, too."
Yugo nodded slowly, soaking in the comforting feeling of Kento's head against his shoulder, his arm around Yugo's waist. It felt so good, all of it, having Kento close this way, and Yugo felt as if he had to savor it, because soon Kento would go home and leave Yugo all alone, in his big, empty bed without anyone around to share it, to provide Yugo with the love and support of which he was starved. "Just… just stay here with me a little longer…?" he asked quietly, feeling weak-- but really, who could blame him, when he had done everything he could to be strong for the past six years, when he had never voiced a complaint before about being left alone at home with Taira day after day, week after week, month after month? Who could blame him when every day his husband forsook him for the glamour of his idol career while Yugo was left in mediocrity and what might as well have been the lifestyle of a single dad, who could blame him when finally, after six years of relentless stress and loneliness, Yugo was finally beginning to crumble? And at the thought, suddenly, he felt even weaker, because all of his problems were piling higher and higher and weighing on him heavier and heavier, and he sighed, sinking farther into Kento's side. "I just… don't know what to do anymore. After six years of being left behind and left all alone at home… what am I supposed to do? I don't have a career, I don't have any escape, and I don't even have anyone to lean on for support…" He sighed again, feeling pathetic and folding in on himself slightly. "I… I just want someone who loves me, who's there for me. But nothing is ever going to change, and… it's not fair." He sounded like some petulant child whining, because since when was life fair? But really, was it too much to ask for when it felt like, besides Taira, he had nothing in life, nothing to hold on to? And when he was solely responsible for Taira's well being… who would take care of him when he needed it?
Kento felt something twisting in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Yugo, because it really wasn't fair. Why should Yugo have to be all alone, with no support or love... Why should either of them have to feel so lonely? It was awful and pointless and Yugo didn't deserve it at all... He deserved to have someone there for him, someone who understood him, and from Kento's position cuddled against Yugo's side, feeling like this was the only place where either of them felt a little less lonely, all he wanted to do was show Yugo that there could be someone there for him, that they could make the loneliness go away. And… they had done it once before, hadn't they? They had regretted it afterwards, but there was an awful little part of him that said why should they, when their situations were what they were… So Kento pulled away from Yugo's side slightly to turn to look at him, leaning his face a little closer to Yugo's and feeling his heart speed up with what he was about to do. "You have me," he told Yugo, but he wasn't going to do it if Yugo didn't want it too, so he paused with a few inches still between them, not sure how Yugo would react to what he was offering.
Yugo's eyes widened when he realized Kento's intentions, what he was offering, the decision he was dangling in front of Yugo's nose. Was he really… even after last time, after the guilt and regret, did Kento want…? Yugo was shocked, but even more than his surprise, there was a niggling feeling in the pit of his stomach, a squeeze in his chest that told him that despite the guilt, despite the regret, despite the fact that it wasn't Jesse's fault that he had to leave Yugo alone so much of the time and Yugo owed it to him to be a good husband and a good father to their child, he was weak, and he wanted Kento, wanted someone there who really and truly cared about Yugo, understood his problems and wanted to help him feel just a little less lonely. Clearly, Yugo's loneliness had never been a high concern on Jesse's list, but Kento… Kento understood him, Kento cared about him, and despite having been the one to leave Yugo behind first in their childhood, Kento clearly wanted him… and that felt good. What they had had together, as kids, so long ago, had been amazing, and maybe, Yugo thought, things were actually meant to work out this way…
It was a dangerous way to think, but, Yugo thought, maybe he had been worn too thin after six years of being worn to the emotional bone without companionship, or maybe he was just weak, but the reason didn't matter, in the end. Yugo only hesitated a moment more before leaning in to close the final gap between them, his eyes falling shut at the feeling of his lips brushing against Kento's. Somehow, it was easy to swallow the guilt and regret-- a little too easy, maybe-- when this was what had been so painfully absent from Yugo's life for so, so long now.
Kento let his eyes fall shut as well when Yugo closed the gap between them, his heart beating fast with the thought of what might have happened had Yugo refused--because though he hadn't thought about it in the moment, who knew what Kento's offer would have meant for their friendship then. But the feeling of Yugo's lips against his chased those thoughts from his mind, and he pressed a little closer so they were kissing for real, one hand resting against the small of Yugo's back and the other coming up to cup Yugo's jaw. It felt so good to finally give in to what they wanted, Kento thought, to let themselves take comfort in each other and give each other something they had both been so sorely lacking.
The feeling of Kento pulling him closer was amazing, and Yugo tilted his head into the kiss, melting into Kento. To have someone hold him close, someone who cared about him, who wanted him… it was amazing after spending so long all alone, and Yugo easily pushed the guilt from his mind in favor of putting his arms around Kento's neck, one hand moving to tangle in Kento's hair, the other sliding flat over his back. Just the knowledge that he had someone to lean on when he needed support, somehow to kiss his loneliness away when he needed love… it was overwhelming, and Yugo felt weak as he pressed closer to Kento still, clinging to him for support as well as for increased closeness. He knew he shouldn't be doing this… but who could blame him when Kento was his only light at the end of a long, lonely tunnel?
Later, lying on the couch with Yugo in his arms, Kento pressed a soft kiss to Yugo's lips, feeling sated and sleepy. He knew that what they had just done was wrong, that it was a bad idea and completely against any morals he had when it came to his relationship with Shori, but at the same time, being with Yugo felt like the best thing that had happened to him in ages, and he couldn't bear the thought of giving that up. And it was hard to focus on the bad things when Yugo was right there next to him, cuddled up to him with their legs entwined and his skin warm against Kento's. Kissing Yugo again, he let out a soft sigh, reluctant to break the mood and speak, although he knew he would have to get up and leave eventually.
Kento's kisses, his warm embrace, the way he was holding Yugo so close… it was all so wonderful, practically intoxicating after so long Yugo had spent alone, and he couldn't bring himself to move away, not when this was what he had been craving so badly for the past week, the past few months, the past few years. Sighing, he slid his arms across Kento's back, his shoulders, holding him close. The last thing he wanted to do was to move from this position, to face the reality of the fact that he had-- they both had-- cheated, and for a second time. But more than that, Yugo didn't want to face the prospect of Kento leaving him and going home, and that in and of itself made this whole thing worse. What had he become, Yugo wondered, even as he found himself nuzzling into Kento's shoulder, as if burying his face would let him hide from his problems. But it wouldn't, and so, after another moment, he took a deep breath, leaning up to press a brief kiss to Kento's lips before letting his head fall back against the sofa so that he could meet Kento's eyes. "Nakajima…" he trailed, swallowing letting out a shaky breath, "Kento… where do we go from here?"
Kento sighed again, tightening his arms around Yugo at the worry in Yugo's voice. Kento wasn't sure where they were going to go from there; he hadn't thought that far ahead, only that he didn't want to give up being with Yugo. It wasn't like they could just be together, though, because they both had kids and responsibilities, and husbands they loved, in the end... Because when it came down to it, it wasn't that Kento wanted to get out of his marriage, just that he wished it could go back to the way it had been when things were good, and he thought Yugo probably felt the same way. But at the same time, he couldn't bear the thought of giving up what he had with Yugo, what felt like his only escape anymore, and the only person who seemed to understand him. "No one can find out... right?" He looked at Yugo, hoping that he was right and Yugo did feel the same way.
Yugo nodded slowly, his fingers curling against Kento's skin as he let Kento pull him closer. "No one can find out," he agreed quietly, because despite the fact that some part of him still couldn't help but wait for Jesse to get back from his tour, some part of him could still remember their wedding, how everything had been when they were younger, in the end, he was too weak. He wanted to be with Kento this way, he wanted this, and laying here in Kento's arms, it was only more clear to him. He loved Jesse, loved his family, wanted so badly to be a good husband, a good father, but… he could only bear so much. He wasn't sure what he was allowing to happen, he wasn't sure what he was doing, but… one thing was for sure, he didn't want to leave Kento's arms, and he didn't want things to end up like last time, with the looming fear of never seeing Kento again. "No one can find out… but… I don't want you to go," he admitted, pressing his face into Kento's shoulder again, wishing he really could hide from reality.
Kento nodded, nuzzling his face into Yugo's hair. He didn't want to go either, didn't want to leave Yugo's warm embrace to face reality again, but he knew he had to if he didn't want Shori to find out what he had been up to. "When can we see each other again?" he asked, trying to think through his schedule for the near future in his still sleepy mind. He didn't want to go too long without seeing Yugo again, though, because leaving last time with no promise of a next time had felt awful, and there was no way he could do it again. "Is it okay if I come over again?" he added, and maybe inviting himself over wasn't the most polite, but he thought that Jesse's band had another week or two on this leg of their tour, and he wasn't going to hide how much he wanted to do this again.
"Of course," Yugo replied maybe a little too quickly, a little too eagerly. It was a poor decision; even if Jesse was away (and god, it was awful of him to think of it all in these terms), there was still Taira; more than anything else, Yugo couldn't bear the thought of Taira ever finding out about this, but… well, he hadn't found out last time, and the thought of going even more than a few days without seeing Kento was just too awful to bear. Pushing all of negative thoughts out of his mind-- it was the last thing he wanted to think about in his last few moments here with Kento, after all-- he tried to remember his schedule for the next few days. Life was crazy when Jesse was out of town, with work and obligations for Taira, but he'd find time, he'd make time, if he had to. "I have Endless Shock rehearsals late tomorrow and the next day," he started apologetically, wincing at the thought of how he was going to have to use his lunch break to run and pick Taira up from his elementary school before asking some poor staff member to entertain him for the rest of the evening, until Yugo was finally done around eight pm. It was hard on both of them when Jesse was gone, but… well, if being able to lean on Kento gave Yugo a better outlook on things, then it would be better for Taira in the end, too, right? He tried not to think about how awful it was for him to justify it that way, instead concentrating on trying to remember when he had free time. "But… I think the day after that should work for me… if you're free…?" He prayed Kento would be; his schedule was a mess, and if they couldn't find time to be together until next weekend, Yugo was certain he would die of loneliness.
Kento ran through his schedule in his head, trying to remember if there was any reason that three days from then wouldn't work. Sexy Zone was busy with rehearsals for their upcoming tour, but since all five members now had young kids, the rehearsals wouldn't last into the evening, and he didn't think he had any TV appearances or anything that night. He didn't think Shori had anything, either, but if he did, Kento could always call a babysitter... This whole thing was completely irresponsible, he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to care when it felt like exactly what had been missing from his life lately, and he nodded into Yugo's hair. "I think I'm free," he answered, glad that they didn't have to leave things the way they had last time. And now he knew he should get up and get himself cleaned up to leave... but a few more minutes couldn't hurt, right? He was so comfortable with Yugo beside him, and he let himself relax again, postponing reality for a few more moments.
Yugo curled into Kento, tightening his arms around Kento's back-- he couldn't help it, not when he was dreading Kento leaving him, and not when the threat was becoming more and more real with every second. "You'll call?" he asked hesitantly, and that sounded so needy, so awful, but he couldn't help it, not when he finally had someone to hold onto, someone to hold him up when he needed the support so desperately. Certainly, Yugo had friends, he would see Fuma tomorrow morning when he picked up Taira, and then he'd see Yuma and Taiga at work, and he had all the little juniors who looked up to him, and of course he had Taira, his baby, the most important person in his life, but none of it was quite the same. Yugo had to keep up a brave face in front of all those people-- his friends had their own lives, their own problems, and he couldn't show any weakness in front of all the children who depended on him, least of all his own son. The only person he had to fall back on was Kento, and he didn't want Kento to leave him, not now. "You'll… you'll call before Tuesday, right…?" he continued quietly, tilting his head to rest against Kento's shoulder again and hoping Kento would understand.
"Yeah," Kento agreed, running his hand up and down Yugo's back, "I'll call and we can make plans." Talking to Yugo would be something else to look forward to, then, in the wait for Tuesday, and while Kento knew that thinking of it that way couldn't mean anything good about the rest of the things in his life, it was true that most of it felt pretty hard to face right now. But for now he focused on Yugo, resting his chin against Yugo's head and holding him close for a few more minutes.
Yugo held onto Kento for as long as he could, but soon enough, Kento had to leave, apologies and promises to call soon on his lips. Yugo hated to see him go; without even Taira home, the apartment was sickeningly empty once he was gone, and as he showered and slunk to bed all alone, there was nothing to distract him from thinking about what he had done, what he was doing. Because what was he doing? What was this? Casual extramarital sex? An affair? It didn't feel like either of those things, though, and Yugo was at once weighed down with guilt and confused as to what they were even thinking and overwhelmed with the feeling that no matter what, he needed to be with Kento this way again, the feeling that he was already counting down the moments until they would get to see one another…
Eventually, he was able to sleep from sheer exhaustion alone, at least for a few hours before his alarm woke him bright and early the next morning. He was to run a rehearsal for the juniors in Endless Shock starting at ten thirty, and today, he was going to have to go out of his way to pick up Taira from Fuma's. The whole thing felt daunting in his current emotional state on only three hours of sleep; days at the rehearsal hall were always difficult for Taira, even despite how good of a child he usually was, and Yugo knew being forced to play with his toys alone for hours only added to how much he missed his other dad. And of course, running rehearsal always took more out of him than rehearsing, as neither Taiga nor Yuma were required today, so Yugo would be essentially on his own, besides the twenty or so kids for whom he was responsible. And while Yugo loved working with them, loved watching them grow, it was almost crushing to know that only a handful of them would make it on, that so many of them would quit, would never debut, would end up trapped, like Yugo…
At the very least, everything he had to do before heading to work was enough to keep his mind off of whatever it was he had done-- was doing-- with Kento, and so he forced himself out of bed, dressing quickly and forcing himself to eat a bowl of microwaved leftover rice as he reviewed his rehearsal notes. After that, he had to pack a bag of toys and books to entertain Taira, as well as his own bag for rehearsal, and then it was off to the rehearsal hall by way of Fuma's.
Yugo had been to Fuma's so many times that he could practically drive there with his eyes closed, and so, once he was in the car, everything he needed to accomplish before getting to the rehearsal hall taken care of, his mind began to wander, back to last night, back to Kento. What were they thinking? What were they doing? Yugo was lonely, but certainly he could be strong, certainly he could hold out… only what was he holding out for, really? For the past six years, ever since Taira was born, he had been holding out, being the good single dad, juggling dissatisfaction at work with the stress of home life while Jesse stayed out late and worked all day and never had a moment to spare. There was no hope, it seemed, of things ever changing, and Yugo couldn't go on this way. But Kento… Kento understood him… but being with Kento made him awful, made him a horrible husband and a horrible father and--
By the time he had made it to Fuma and Hokuto's apartment, Yugo had worked himself into a tizzy, and he knew that this was no way to run a rehearsal. Glancing at his watch, he had a few moments to spare, and so, as he made his way into the building and up to Fuma's floor, he thought, maybe a brief chat with Fuma would help him clear his mind… or something. There was nothing to do but try, anyway, and so he took a deep breath, ringing the doorbell and trying to put on a brave face.
When Yugo had called to ask if it was all right for Taira to stay the night, Fuma couldn't have been happier. Taira was happily playing with Kensou, after all, and Fuma was sure he would be just as happy to stay. An extra kid to take care of was just the thing to break up another long week with Hokuto away--another person to get comfortably tucked into bed, and he'd need an extra futon and some pajamas, and this was the perfect excuse to make a fancy breakfast in the morning... Fuma was already running through ideas for what kind of pancakes he could make before Yugo had even hung up the phone, and it was with a smile that he assured Yugo not to worry and to have fun before he went to tell Taira the change in plans.
And besides the fact that Fuma was always happy to have more kids around, he was glad for Yugo and Kento, as well. He knew that Yugo must be stressed between his own work and taking care of Taira while Jesse was away on such a long tour, and he deserved a night out to relax, so Fuma was glad that it seemed like he was really doing so. And Kento... Fuma had been a little worried about Kento as of late, although he wasn't really sure what was wrong. He hadn't quite seemed himself, though, whatever it was, and maybe rekindling his old friendship with Yugo would help cheer him back up again.
With these thoughts in mind, Fuma let a very excited Taira "help" him put the baby to bed before setting up the extra futon in Kensou and Keiya's room, telling Taira that he was going to be such a good father someday, just like his own Papa. Keiya sweetly offered to let Taira borrow one of his stuffed animals for the night, and by the time everything was set up and all three boys had changed into their pajamas, the phone was ringing for Hokuto's nightly good night call. When Fuma told him that Taira was staying the night, Hokuto--always thoughtful, always the perfect dad--insisted on putting Jesse on the line so Taira could say good night, too. After Fuma hung up, promising to call back again before he went to bed, he tucked the kids into bed, kissing all three of them good night before turning out the lights. It made Fuma's heart swell to see them lying there, his and Hokuto's and Yugo's and Jesse's beautiful children, just like he had always dreamed about, and he had to swallow back his emotions before going back to the kitchen to tidy up and kill the time before it was time to call Hokuto again.
Everything went smoothly the next morning, as well, and Taira was all ready to go and watching Sunday morning TV with Kensou and Keiya by the time Yugo arrived. Fuma answered the door with a smile, inviting Yugo inside. "Good morning," he greeted. "How are you?"
Yugo did his best to smile as he bade Fuma good morning, stepping into Fuma's genkan and shrugging. "Tired," he answered honestly, forcing a bit of a laugh, "And I have a long day of rehearsal ahead of me...." Tired didn't even begin to cover it, but what exactly could he say to Fuma? Even if Fuma was his best friend, there was no way he could ever find out about what Yugo had done last night, what he was planning on doing again on Tuesday night, and the knowledge weighed on Yugo's chest. Trying to swallow back the guilt and the frustration, Yugo glanced past Fuma into the living room, where Taira seemed engrossed in some anime show beside Fuma's oldest two. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble," he added, for lack of anything better to say, "I'm sure he had a great time." Honestly, he didn't understand how Fuma managed it all without Hokuto around when Yugo was worn out at the end of each day, but, Yugo supposed, Fuma's life, his family, his marriage were all perfect… how could he ever understand what Yugo was going through? Still, just the same as Yugo, his husband was away on tour, and maybe, just maybe, that meant that he would understand a little of Yugo's daily struggle. Maybe bringing it up was a bad idea, but Yugo didn't know what else to do to lift his spirits before facing a crowd of twenty-plus thirteen to eighteen year old juniors, and so he sighed, running a hand though his hair. "I just don't know how you do it, with Hokuto gone," he added with another forced laugh, looking down at his feet, avoiding Fuma's eyes. Don't you get lonely, he wanted to ask, but he knew that Hokuto called home at least once, often twice or even three times a day while he was on tour, while Jesse usually managed to get a call in to say goodnight to Taira maybe three or four times a week. Yugo had always told him not to stress over calling home, but some part of him wished that despite that, Jesse thought about Yugo even some fraction of the amount that Yugo thought about Jesse while he was gone. It was a dangerous train of thought, though, and so he rolled his lips together, trying to find the right words. "Don't you… ever run out of strength?"
Fuma shook his head, smiling. "He wasn't any trouble at all," he assured Yugo. "I'm happy to have him any time." Yugo did look tired, though, and it seemed like even after his night out, he still felt like he had too much on his plate... But he considered Yugo's question for a moment, thinking about the long days he spent juggling his own work obligations with caring for an elementary schooler, a preschooler, and a baby when Hokuto was away, the long nights sleeping alone in their bed... but while he was tired, to be sure, and while sometimes it was hard to handle it all on his own, hard to get to sleep by himself after so many years of having Hokuto by his side, taking care of his kids was always more than its own reward, and when things got tough, Hokuto was always only a phone call or a text message away. And of course they talked every day, and Fuma hardly ever had to go to bed without a good night call or at least a text from Hokuto to keep him company, whether he was the one at home or on tour. "I get tired," Fuma agreed, looking at Yugo's unhappy expression with concern, "And I miss him a lot... But we talk every day, and... well, I guess the kids give me strength," he said, giving Yugo a small smile. "You're lucky to have Taira," he added, his smile growing. "He's a really great kid."
As Yugo listened to Fuma talk, it felt like a punch to the gut; even now, with their busy schedules, Fuma and Hokuto's relationship was practically perfect, and Fuma clearly faced none of the problems that plagued Yugo every day. But it was what he had been expecting, really, and so he tried to swallow back the bitterness, focusing instead on Fuma's comments about Taira. Smiling softly, he nodded. "He is," he agreed, looking against past Fuma to his son in the other room, still highly engaged in the giant robots on the TV screen to the point that he hadn't realized that his father had arrived. "I love him more than anything in the world," he added quietly, and above all else, it was true. With that thought in mind, he turned back to Fuma offering a bit stronger of a smile. "Maybe I'll leave him with you more often, if you really don't mind," he commented with a laugh, "I'm sure he has way more fun here than he has stuck at rehearsal with me." And there was no way he would discover Yugo and Kento's… whatever it was, then, as well, but Yugo tried to push that thought from his mind, tried not to think about just how horrible it made him to have thought such a thing in the first place. "Thanks so much for having him."
Fuma smiled at the way Yugo looked past him at Taira, his love for his son clear in his expression. Yugo really was a great dad, but of course, Fuma had always known that he would be a good parent, ever since they were kids. "We're happy to have him anytime," he told Yugo before turning around to look at the kids in front of the TV. "Taira, your papa is here!" he called, smiling at how engrossed they were. Yugo was clearly tired now, but Fuma was sure he could manage everything somehow, and soon enough this round of Hokuto and Jesse's band's touring would be over as well. "Call any time you want, really," he said, turning back to Yugo and giving him a one-armed hug, hoping Yugo knew he was there for him whenever he needed something.
"Thanks," Yugo replied with a smile, letting his head fall to rest on Fuma's shoulder for a moment. Fuma was his best friend, and even if he didn't understand… well, Yugo hoped they could see one another a little more often while their husbands were both out of town. For now, though, Taira had finally realized he was here and was coming over to him with a wide grin, arms spread wide, and Yugo couldn't help but smile back as he scooped his son into his arms. Yes, things in his life were difficult, but… he had Taira, and somehow, things would be okay.
He was beginning to feel less optimistic by midday, however, after four hours of rehearsal with a group of rowdy kids with short attention spans. Reon-kun set a good example for the group, but the other boy his age, Yamashita Pin, was a troublemaker, and Yugo simply didn't have it in him to deal with an eighteen year old hotshot who thought he knew better than Yugo. And of course, Taira was beginning to get restless; he had played with his toys and colored quietly for a few hours, but he was only six, and Yugo hated to leave him alone this way. An hour after lunch break ended, he came into the rehearsal hall seeking affection, but while Yugo wanted badly to give it to him, he could only run rehearsal with a six year old in his arms for so long. By the end of the day, he was tired, frustrated, and stressed, and he could tell Taira felt similarly (or at least, the six-year-old version thereof), and while Yugo did everything he could to cheer them both up, taking Taira Denny's for dinner and letting him have ice cream afterwards, he couldn't help but feel the situation was hopeless.
Monday was even worse; Yugo was forced to forego his lunch break in order to pick Taira up from school at two when he got done; Taiga was kind enough to grab him a few onigiri from the conbini to scarf down when he got back, but it was hardly a balanced meal. And then, of course, Taira was forced to endure more lonely waiting while Yugo rehearsed late into the evening, and when, in the car on the way home, he asked when is Daddy coming home? for the fourth or fifth time that day, Yugo felt like he could cry. But he couldn't-- he had to be strong for his baby, and so he swallowed back the frustration and the loneliness and drove them home so that he could put Taira to bed and spend the night all alone… again.
But then Tuesday came around, and it was a light at the end of the tunnel. The day felt as if it dragged, but Yugo didn't have as much rehearsal as he had been having, and so he was able to come home early and make Taira a real dinner and check his homework and watch TV with him before tucking him in. He felt a little guilty, rushing him off to bed a few minutes early, but he knew Taira was a heavy sleeper, and he didn't want the boy to be awake to see Kento arrive yet again. And so, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was being a bad father in the back of his mind, he kissed Taira goodnight before finally getting his reprieve at long last. He almost didn't feel guilty this time, he was so desperate for any source of support, any source of affection he could find, even after only three days. But sitting on the sofa beside Kento, sharing cigarettes on the balcony, drinking and talking and laughing together was amazing, and Yugo couldn't help but forget the guilt just a little bit when this was what he so badly needed to pull him through.
The next three days felt far too long to Kento. He should have been happy to be back in concert rehearsals; this was their first tour since before he and Shori and Marius and Sou had had Ryusei and Hans, and the break had been prolonged when Fuma and Hokuto had their third child, so it had been over a year and a half since their last real concert tour, since they'd gotten to see fans all around the country. Their recent Tokyo shows had done a little to get Kento pumped up for the tour, but since then, his relationship with Shori had only continued to go downhill, and it was hard to enjoy the rehearsals and the anticipation when so many parts of it were about performing together. Kento could still feel it sometimes, the chemistry and energy between them when they really got into a song, but those moments were getting harder and harder to find, especially now that they were talking less and less. And after what he had done with Yugo--after what he had decided to do--it felt even harder to face Shori, so mostly, Kento tried not to. It felt awful to do that, because he did love Shori, and beyond its effect on Shori, there was their kids and their band to think about... But Kento didn't know what else to do besides try to ignore it, throwing himself into the performance as much as he could and looking forward to another respite on Tuesday night.
And Tuesday night was perfect, relaxing on the couch with Yugo, sharing Kento's cigarettes on the balcony, drinking and talking and laughing and sharing long kisses and eventually more. It was exactly what Kento needed, and before he had even left Yugo's house again, he was already wishing they could do it more often. Of course, they really couldn't, but Kento promised to call and text Yugo until they could find a time to see each other again. Kento made good on his promise over the next few days, amusing himself by texting Yugo during breaks in his rehearsals and photoshoots and awaiting Yugo's texts back with stories of the juniors' antics (or Taiga's, or Taira's), and one day, he was surprised to get a text from Yugo saying that he was in the same studio as Kento for a magazine shoot. Kento quickly texted back that he was in the same place for a solo shoot, grinning at the coincidence as he changed into his clothes for the shoot.
Tuesday felt far too brief to Yugo, briefer that Saturday, even, and worse, as their time together drew to a close, he and Kento had been unable to find a time when they would be able to meet again. It was awful, but Yugo's patience seemed to be growing weaker and weaker with each indulgence, and the thought that he wouldn't be able to see Kento within the next two or three days felt as if the world was crashing in on him. But it certainly wasn't, not more than he was causing it to by being with Kento in the first place, anyway, and so he swallowed back his emotions and put on a brave face as he bid Kento goodbye with a final goodnight kiss in the early hours of Wednesday morning.
And besides, he didn't have absolutely nothing; Kento made a point to text him regularly over the next few days, something they hadn't done since they were kids. It was nice, to hear about how his day was going, his bandmates and his kids and his bandmates' kids, and it helped stave off the loneliness at least a little, to have Kento to talk to. But then one day, by some beautiful coincidence, Kento responded to Yugo's text about being in the Winkup studios for a short photoshoot and interview for an article about Endless Shock with the information that he, too, was in the Winkup studios. Yugo almost cried as he read the words, the possibility of being able to meet dangling right before his eyes, and he hurriedly texted back, asking when Kento's shoot was and when he would have a break or be done. If they could meet, even just for a few moments, Yugo knew that it would make his day feel exponentially less long and tiring, and when he knew he was going to have to hurry through rush hour traffic later that day to pick Taira up before going straight to a production meeting, he needed the extra boost.
Kento smiled as he read Yugo's text, excited at the prospect of being able to spend some time together. He texted Yugo back with his schedule, telling him that he had a little free time after his shoot before he had to leave to take Jinsei to his dance class and to come by his dressing room whenever he had a chance. It already felt like ages since they had last hung out, and even if work wasn't necessarily the safest place to be doing so... none of Kento's bandmates were around, at least, and it wasn't like they were going to do anything if they weren't behind closed (and locked) doors. The anticipation gave him a boost during the shoot, and the staff complimented his smile several times--not that Kento's smile didn't always deserve complimenting, but looking forward to seeing Yugo certainly made it come more easily.
Yugo had just returned from having his photos taken when he noticed the LED on his phone flashing, indicating a new text message. Waking up the screen, he quickly read Kento's message, anticipation bubbling in his chest. If Kento had some free time, then they could meet, they could spend even a little time together-- and perhaps how excited it was making him was something he should have been trying to quell, something for which he should have been feeling guilty, but he couldn't help it, not when Kento was quickly becoming essentially the only thing to lift Yugo's mood in otherwise hectic, stressful days.
He had a bit of a break between his photos and the interview portion of the article, and so he changed in a hurry back to his own clothes before heading out to the dressing room Kento had said was his, thankful for his good luck. Even the elevator ride up two floors felt as if it took forever, but finally, he arrived at the room that, sure enough, was labeled "Nakajima Kento." Taking a deep breath, he knocked, already dreading the time when they would be forced by obligation to separate again.
Part 5
