Jun/Aiba RP [part 3 of 5]

[chromatic]

Warnings are the same as in Part 1 and Part 2!


The next couple weeks for Aiba passed similarly to the previous, but with more kissing.  He and Matsujun continued to hang out after work and during free time, going out for burgers or karaoke or just staying in Aiba's room.  Time with MAIN usually included lots of hand-holding and scathing comments from Nino, and homework time at Aiba's always devolved pretty quickly into make-out sessions, much to Aiba's delight.  Things really couldn't be going better, in Aiba's opinion.

Today, Aiba was hurrying home from school, excited for his first totally free afternoon in a while.  He barely even had any homework, and he was planning to spend the entire afternoon and evening relaxing.  Dropping his bag, he dashed to his room to check on Sally, as usual.  When he took off the cover, though--she didn't move.  She lay in the corner of the box, motionless, tinier than she had ever seemed before.  Aiba's heart clenched in his chest, and his throat suddenly felt painfully tight.  Pressing a hand to his mouth, he stood shakily, and gathering himself temporarily, he ran into the other room, grabbing the phone.  Please let Matsujun be home, he hoped fervently, pressing the phone to his ear.

Jun was nearly finished his homework when the phone rang and, despite himself, hope sprang up in his chest, and he couldn't help but hope that it was Aiba on the other end. Over the past few weeks, he and Aiba had gotten closer and closer, spending much of their free time together, whether it was playing video games, doing homework, or kissing, and Jun had never been happier. He felt that he had a bond in Aiba like he had never had been with school friends or other Johnny's, and though he wasn't sure what exactly their relationship was, he was content just to stay close to Aiba this way. And so, when he picked up the phone, his voice was a little breathless as he answered, "Hello?"

Hearing Matsujun's voice somehow made Aiba want to cry all over again, and he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat.  "Matsujun...  It's me."  Aiba squeezed his eyes shut.  "Can you come over?  I...  Can you please come over?"  He took a shaky breath.  "Sorry..."  Aiba knew he was making Matsujun worry--he knew he would worry if a friend called him like this--but he just couldn't say it over the phone.

Jun's brow furrowed in worry when he heard Aiba's voice-- it sounded as if he were crying, and it made Jun's stomach lurch inside of him. "I'll come--" he assured right away, stumbling over his own cracking voice, but he couldn't hang up the phone with Aiba sounding that way. "What's wrong... what happened?" he asked quickly, hoping that Aiba hadn't already left. Jun felt completely in the dark, and he was terrified-- what if something was really wrong? He couldn't stand it if something happened to Aiba, and his heart was in his throat now, pounding madly as he waited for a response.

"Just--  I can't tell you over the phone."  Aiba felt terrible for making Jun worry, but he really couldn't.  "Just come?"  His voice was cracking dangerously, and Aiba tried to focus on the fact that Jun was coming.  Somehow, that would make things better.  "Thank you, Matsujun..."  

It felt as if someone had punched Jun in the gut, but, "Okay-- be there soon," he promised, slamming down the phone and grabbing his bag before running out the door with some excuse to his parents. Even after running to the station, however, it was almost an hour by train out to Aiba's house, and Jun spent the train ride almost sick with worry. His stomach was doing flips inside of him as he tried to calm himself, but, really, how could he be calm at a time like this? Something was clearly terribly wrong with Aiba, and Jun wasn't there to help. But he would be soon, he reminded himself, and so he fidgeted in his seat through the whole train ride and ran from the station to Aiba's house, knocking hurriedly at the door and praying someone would answer quickly.

Aiba clung to the phone after the line went dead, wishing Matsujun could somehow be there instantly.  Aiba knew he couldn't, though, so he went back to his room to wait, curling up on his bed.  At first, he tried to do homework, tried to read a comic book, but he couldn't really concentrate, so he spent most of the next hour with his knees pulled up to his chest, just waiting.  His room felt lonelier without the knowledge that Sally was there keeping him company--and it was because of something Aiba had done that she had died.

When the knock on the door finally came, Aiba rushed to the door, pulling it open and throwing his arms around Jun.  He buried his face in the crook of Jun's neck, breathing in the now-familiar scent and feeling instantly less alone.  "Matsujun..."

Jun was startled by the immediate weight of Aiba's body against his own, and worry flared up inside of him again. He hadn't exactly seen Aiba before Aiba had attached himself to him, but Jun couldn't imagine what could possibly hurt Aiba so badly that he needed Jun's support-- Aiba was strong, Aiba was someone Jun could never imagine falling apart... except here he was, clinging to Jun, hiding his face from the world. What had happened? Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around Aiba, though whether it was to comfort him or somehow protect him, Jun wasn't sure. But the important thing right now was Aiba, and so Jun held him close, his voice wavering as he asked, "What happened?"

Aiba was quiet for a moment, breathing against Jun's neck and feeling the warmth of Jun's arms around him.  "It's Sally," he mumbled into Jun's shoulder.  Taking a shaky breath, he lifted his head to look at Jun, his throat growing even tighter.  "She died," he managed, his voice cracking, and a single stray tear escaped to roll down his face.  Wiping it away, Aiba grabbed Jun's hand and pulled him towards his room, swallowing furiously to try to keep from crying.

Jun felt his throat tighten as Aiba dragged him back to his room. Aiba's bird... was dead? How had that happened? Aiba had taken such care to make sure she was getting better, hadn't he? So why had she died? Sure, she was only a tiny bird, but... it wasn't fair, Jun found himself thinking, it wasn't fair that, after everything Aiba had done, the bird still died. And Aiba... how was he going to take this? He had loved the bird, put his all into helping her heal, and now... It made fear lurch inside Jun's stomach all over again, and he squeezed Aiba's hand tighter, unsure of what to do.

Seeing Sally's tiny body lying there again made Aiba's stomach clench, and he squeezed Jun's hand back, grateful that at least he wasn't alone anymore.  "I...  I don't know what to do," he said, looking over at Jun.  "She deserves a...  proper funeral, or something..."  He wiped angrily at his eyes with his free hand, trying to pull himself together, but he felt completely lost.  Matsujun would know what to do...right?

Jun tried desperately not to look directly at Aiba; it was hard for him to keep his emotions reigned in on a good day, and seeing Aiba cry was going to be too much; he could already feel the dampness in the corners of his eyes, and it wasn't even his pet that had died! Swallowing and trying to gather himself, he nodded, racking his brain desperately for a good answer. What should they do with the bird? They couldn't exactly cremate her in Aiba's bedroom, nor was there any easy place to bury her. "I--" he started, trying to think of some solution, but he had none, and so he bit his lip, feeling very much as if he had to come up with some way to make Aiba feel better when there was no clear answer. "We could-- You--" And Aiba was looking at him with wide, watery eyes as if Jun had the answer when he had nothing at all, and Jun felt like a complete failure. With nothing better to do, he threw his arms around Aiba, pulling him close in an attempt to somehow ease the pain that he couldn't erase entirely. "We'll think of something," he promised, not because it was a good answer but because it was all he could do.

Aiba felt his resolve break down as Jun pulled him back into his arms, the tears spilling down his face and onto Jun's shoulder.  He couldn't have asked for better comfort than a hug from Jun, though, and he wished he could just stay like that, wrapped up in Jun's arms, and not have to face the fact that Sally was dead.  Even there, though, he couldn't shake the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach.  "I don't know what happened," Aiba cried into Jun's shoulder.  "I must have done something wrong..."

"No--" Jun choked, instinctively pulling Aiba tighter against his body, as if he could somehow assure him physically of his lack of fault. "No, you didn't--" But Jun's voice was tight and his eyes were wet now, tears rolling down his face, and he wanted to be comforting, goddammit, why couldn't he pull himself together? His fingers knotting in Aiba's shirt, holding onto him as tightly as possible, he swallowed, trying to hold in his tears. "You did everything you could-- you don't know why..." Jun wasn't even sure what he was trying to say, only that he wanted to prove to Aiba that it wasn't his fault that the bird died, but his voice was cracking even worse than it usually did and he felt like an idiot for being unable to keep it together. "It wasn't your fault..."

"No...  It was my fault..."  Now Matsujun was crying too, and Aiba clung to him, trying to pull himself together.  "I'm sorry..." he apologized, sniffling, because now he had made Jun upset on top of everything else.  He swallowed several times, holding back his tears for the moment, because he knew they had to do something.  As much as he didn't want to face what had happened, or leave Jun's arms at all, Aiba couldn't stand ignoring Sally for too long.  "Do you think there's some way we could... cremate her, or something?"  Aiba didn't really like the thought of that, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Aiba's stubbornness that he had been the cause of the bird's death made Jun's stomach clench inside of him-- it wasn't right, it wasn't fair, when Aiba had given so much pure and simple love for the sake of one tiny bird. Sniffing and trying to appear strong despite the fact that his cheeks were still wet with tears, Jun, shook his head defiantly, holding tight to Aiba's slender form. "You did so much for her, you can't blame yourself!" he insisted, his voice raising in octave with the emotional strain. "You're the kindest, most loving, sweetest person I've ever met--" And, when Jun realized what he was saying, his face flushed with embarrassment as well, but it was true, and Aiba deserved to know. "Please..." But his voice was cracking again, and the tears were too hard to fight back. "Please... don't feel guilty..."

Swallowing, he realized he had completely ignored Aiba's question, and he took a deep breath, sliding a hand up Aiba's back to run his fingers through Aiba's hair gently, as comfortingly as he could. He didn't know how one was supposed to cremate dead birds, but Aiba's family owned a restaurant, so there was probably a way, right? If worst came to worst, they could put her body in the burnable trash, but that seemed a bit cruel. "Do you... does your family have an incinerator...?"

Jun's words made Aiba's breath catch in his throat, and he swallowed hard, blushing and wishing he could see Jun's face.  The fact that Matsujun thought those things about Aiba...  The knowledge sent a rush of warm feelings through him, and he leaned his head into Jun's touch, taking deep breaths and fighting back tears all over again.  "Thank you, Matsujun..."  He still felt guilty; he couldn't imagine not feeling guilty, but he also couldn't help feeling a little bit happy that Jun felt that way, and happy to have Jun as a friend.

Pulled out of his thoughts by Jun's suggestion, Aiba nodded slowly.  "We have one for burnables, lots of food that can't be composted, like... meat and stuff..."  He hated to think about Sally inside the incinerator, but really, it was probably the best thing to do.  "Do you think we should...?"  Aiba trailed off, burying his face in Jun's shoulder again and trying not to think about it.

"It's up to you..." Jun replied quietly, leaning his face against the side of Aiba's head comfortingly and talking into his hair. The hand that had previously rested on Aiba's head slid a little lower, rubbing his back gently instead, as he tried and failed to think of an easier solution. He had never comforted someone quite like this before, either, and he was afraid he wasn't doing it right, but at least Aiba seemed to be pulling together a little bit. "If... if it would be easier, I... can do it..." Jun hated anything gross or messy, but he couldn't bear the thought of Aiba suffering through watching his beloved pet burn away, and so he swallowed, preparing himself to bear it. "We can... burn some incense afterwards for her, or something..."

Aiba shook his head.  "We can do it together," he said, sniffling wetly.  He was touched that Matsujun had offered to do it, but the least Aiba could do for Sally was to do it himself.  Hugging Jun tightly once more before pulling away, Aiba straightened up, wiping the tears from his face.  He felt a little less lost, at least, now that they had a plan, and he couldn't imagine what he would have done without Matsujun there.  Kneeling down, he put the cover back on Sally's box, picking it up carefully.  "Let's go out back, then," he said, looking at Jun, his voice only wavering slightly.

Swallowing, Jun nodded slowly, taking Aiba's hand in his own and squeezing. He followed Aiba behind the building that housed both Aiba's home and his family's restaurant, spotting a small furnace off to the side. Aiba had put on a brave face, but Jun couldn't help but peer at him worriedly, hoping that he didn't feel like he had to be strong. Jun wanted him to feel better, but he didn't want him to hide his feelings... he felt awkward and useless, but he knew that Aiba was his priority, and so, as they approached the incinerator, he wrapped an arm around Aiba's shoulder, hoping he could at least be of some support.

Standing in front of the incinerator, Aiba leaned into Jun's embrace, looking down at the box in his hands.  This was it, then.  "I'm sorry, Sally," he said softly.  "I wish I could've saved you..."  He looked at the incinerator, somehow bigger and more intimidating than it usually was.  The thought of Sally inside of it was awful, and suddenly Aiba couldn't bring himself to do it.  "Help me?" he asked, voice quivering, holding one end of the box out to Jun.

Jun nodded solemnly, opening the door to the incinerator and accepting the other side of the box from Aiba. He knew this must be horrible for him, and even Jun, who was more concerned for Aiba than for the late bird, felt a lump in his throat at the thought of putting Aiba's pet inside. Cremation was great in theory and all, but really horrifying to think about, and so, glancing to Aiba to make sure he was ready and squeezing his eyes shut, Jun pushed the box through the opening, quickly shutting the door afterwards. He realized, after the fact, that he probably should have asked Aiba if it was okay, but Aiba would probably never really be ready to say goodbye, and so, maybe, Jun thought, this way was better. But at any rate, Aiba looked like he was ready to be sick, and Jun took a deep breath to steady himself before pulling Aiba into another embrace. He tried desperately to think of something supportive to say, but nothing came, because Jun couldn't exactly change the fact that the bird was dead, and so, awkwardly, he offered, "It'll be okay..."

Aiba clung to Jun, trying to breathe steadily, but the tears were spilling out again against his will.  He couldn't imagine what he would have done without Matsujun there, though.  Now, at least, Sally would have some sort of proper end to her life, even if it was awful to think about, and Aiba had Matsujun's arms to hide in now that it was done.  Even so, now that he had started crying again, he couldn't seem to stop, and he buried his face in Jun's shoulder, pulling him close.

The way Aiba was crying again, Jun could feel his own emotions going haywire, but he swallowed back the lump in his throat, trying desperately to be strong for Aiba. He wished he had something comforting to say, but no words could bring Aiba's pet back from the dead, and besides, Jun worried that if he tried to speak, he'd end up losing control. And so, instead, he took deep breaths, trying to support the both of them, and held Aiba close, stroking his hair gently in the hopes that he was at least vaguely comforting. However, the alley behind Aiba's family restaurant was hardly the place to mourn, and so, carefully, Jun glanced down, trying to catch Aiba eyes as he asked, "Do you want to... go back in...?" His voice was tight and thick with the threat of tears, but Jun bit his lip and fought to hide it from Aiba.

Aiba was reluctant to leave Sally, but he knew they shouldn't keep standing there, so he nodded, wiping his eyes.  He looked back towards the incinerator for another moment, head bowed, stomach still churning slightly with guilt, before taking Jun's hand and starting back towards the house.  His tears slowed while they were walking, but once they were back in Aiba's room, sitting on his bed, it felt like everything hit him all over again, and he broke down, leaning his head on Jun's shoulder.  He hadn't meant to cry all over Jun, but at the same time, he was glad not to be crying all alone.  "Sorry..." he apologized tearfully, unconsciously moving closer to Jun.

Jun shook his head fervently, wrapping his arms around Aiba and pulling him closer protectively. "No--" he choked out, but seeing Aiba cry was really too much, and now that they were inside, Jun couldn't hold himself together anymore. Clutching Aiba tight in his arms, Jun sniffed as a few defiant tears broke free, trying to figure out how he was supposed to comfort Aiba when there was nothing that he could do to make anything better. "Don't-- I'm here for you," he finally managed, trying to blink back his tears. "It's okay... it's okay."

Jun's words somehow made Aiba cry harder, and he melted into Jun's embrace, letting his tears flow onto Jun's shoulder. Jun was crying, too, now, and of course he had the right to be upset about Sally, but Aiba wished he could comfort Jun the way Jun was comforting him. All he could really do was hug Jun back just as tightly, but he hoped it helped at least a little bit. "Thank you..." he managed through his tears, nuzzling his head against Jun's shoulder.

Aiba's tenderness even in grief somehow made it all harder for Jun to bear, and he held Aiba tighter still, breaking down and crying into Aiba, as well. "You don't have to--" he choked out, cradling Aiba's head in one of his hands and resting his own head on Aiba's shoulder, breathing in his scent. Somehow, Aiba's aura always seemed to fill some hole inside of Jun, and he felt stronger-- he had to be, he had to support Aiba. "Don't... apologize," he managed, swallowing back his tears as best he could, "I want to... I want to help." And he did, more than anything, and so, pulling back only slightly, he cupped Aiba's face in one of his hands, wiping away some of the tears despite the fact that it was completely futile. "I want to... for you..."

Aiba tried to smile at Jun through his tears, wishing he could convey how much Jun's support meant to him.  "Thank you, Matsujun," he said, his voice cracking slightly, before leaning his head back on Jun's shoulder.  With Jun's arms around him and his face buried in the crook of Jun's neck, it felt sort of like he could hide from the world, and eventually his tears began to slow.  It felt like he had cried out all his energy, though, and he still clung to Jun, breathing unevenly, a few stray tears leaking from his eyes.

Jun could feel Aiba beginning to settle in his arms, and he held him closer, swallowing back the tail end of his own tears. Aiba's warm weight against him was comforting; it reminded Jun that, no matter what, Aiba wasn't going anywhere, that no matter how much he cried, Jun could support him, Jun could hold him up until he recovered. It gave him a burst of strength, somehow, to know that even someone like him could provide strength to someone as amazing and strong as Aiba, and he straightened slightly, tilting his head to brush a gentle kiss to Aiba's cheek. He didn't want to be too pushy, didn't want to try to force Aiba to cheer up if he needed to cry longer, but he wanted to remind Aiba that Jun would be here for him all the same. "You matter the most to me," he murmured against Aiba's skin, nuzzling gently against Aiba's face. "For you... No matter what..." But he didn't exactly know how to finish his sentence, and so he pulled back slightly, meeting Aiba's gaze and hoping he understood.

Aiba's eyes were still wet with tears as he met Jun's, swallowing back a wave of emotion at Jun's words.  He couldn't think of anything better than having such an amazing friend.  "Matsujun..." he trailed, not sure what else he could say without breaking down again.  But he knew that he would do anything for Jun, and no one else had shared so much with him, no one else had supported him like this, so, softly, he managed, "Me too."  He nuzzled his cheek against Jun's again, his eyes falling shut.

At Aiba's words, Jun's heart felt as if it was swelling in his chest, and his breath caught in his throat. Knowing Aiba really cared about him even a fraction of how much Jun cared about Aiba... that was really amazing, and Jun had to remind himself to breathe, to think, to not be completely overwhelmed by the knowledge. But if anything, it only strengthened his resolve to want to be strong for Aiba, to want to support him and help him feel better, and so, slowly and carefully, he angled his head to catch Aiba's lips in a kiss. Maybe this was crazy, maybe this was selfish, but somehow, it felt like the right thing to do.

Jun's kiss took Aiba completely by surprise--Jun didn't initiate kissing very often to begin with, and making out had been the farthest thing from Aiba's mind at that moment.  All those thoughts fell away as quickly as they had come, though, and Aiba melted instinctively into the kiss, making a small noise in the back of his throat.  Somehow, it just felt right, even though it seemed weird in their current situation.  The kiss was brief, but a moment later, Aiba was leaning in again, kissing Jun with more feeling than he had really meant to, closing his eyes and losing himself to the kiss.

Jun was glad that Aiba reacted well, but it came as a surprise when Aiba kissed him again. He hadn't been expecting Aiba to want to kiss him that much-- he had been trying to prove that he was there for Aiba, show him that he cared, maybe distract him a little from his grief, but when Aiba kissed him back, Jun felt his heart rate speed up as his fingers curled in the fabric of Aiba's shirt. When Aiba kissed him, Jun had a hard time thinking about anything else, and soon, he was focused only on kissing Aiba, on giving him back the amazing feeling that Aiba always gave him.

Aiba wasn't sure if he felt lightheaded from crying or from the kiss, but he felt like he couldn't get close enough to Jun.  His fingers clung to the back of Jun's shirt as he deepened the kiss, another soft noise escaping his throat.  Aiba didn't understand the feeling at all, but somehow he couldn't get enough, didn't want to pull away even when his head was spinning from lack of oxygen, and he kissed Jun fervently, putting everything into the kiss.

Startled by how passionately Aiba was kissing him, Jun clung to Aiba's shoulders weakly, feeling overwhelmed. He had made out with Aiba plenty of times before, but somehow, it had never felt this urgent before. Jun, certainly, always went weak in the knees when Aiba kissed him, but it seemed that Aiba usually knew just what he was doing. But right now... now it felt like Aiba was kissing him with complete abandon, and the intensity was making it hard for Jun to think, hard for him to concentrate on anything, really-- all he could do was sit there and let Aiba kiss him and try to kiss back as best he could, because Jun had never felt something this overwhelmingly intense before. Aiba kept pressing closer and closer to him, as if Jun was going to move away, and finally, Jun lost his balance, falling back onto the bed.

Aiba followed Jun down as he fell, finally breaking their kiss and panting roughly against Jun's cheek.  They were pressed chest to chest, and Aiba rubbed their cheeks together, enjoying the increased closeness for a moment while he caught his breath.  Pressing kisses along Jun's jawline, Aiba shifted so his knees were straddling Jun's.  He couldn't think of anything beyond the desire to be closer to Jun, and he let himself drop so their bodies were pressed together from thigh to chest as he kissed Jun again.  The implications of the action were immediately clear, though, and Aiba gasped at the sensation, pulling back from Jun's mouth.  He hadn't even realized that he was getting hard before, but that felt amazing.

Jun was completely overwhelmed as Aiba took the reigns, gasping and arching up against him. He had never felt like this before, never been so overtaken in so many ways by the amazing pleasurable feelings Aiba was only too capable of giving. Never felt this way before, that was, except in the semi-regular dreams he had about Aiba, and just like in those dreams, Jun could feel his body reacting. Some part of him told him to pull away, to be embarrassed, but then Aiba pressed closer and Jun's eyes widened because Aiba was also... Which meant... that this was okay, for him to feel this way? And Aiba was looking down at him, their bodies pressed together this way, and all Jun could think was I want to kiss you and so he did, leaning up and catching Aiba's lips in another kiss. It wasn't anywhere near as amazing as the way it had felt with Aiba kissing his lips, his face, the way it felt to have Aiba's cheek pressed against his own... but it was good, kissing Aiba, and Jun leaned up, catching Aiba's lips between his own and reveling in the knowledge that everything about this was equal and between the two of them and just perfect.

Everything was becoming more and more overwhelming for Aiba, with Jun pressed against him and kissing him, but when he felt something hard pressing against his stomach, it sent a shock through him all over again.  The physical evidence that Jun was just as worked up as him...  Aiba wouldn't have imagined that something like that would affect him so much, but it did, and he kissed Jun back urgently, giving in to his instincts.  At the same time, he couldn't help moving his hips slightly, seeking more of that amazing sensation and feeling Jun against him.

Jun broke the kiss with a breathy moan at the sensation of Aiba's hips pressing down against his. This was amazing, this was more than he could even comprehend, and he arched up against Aiba's body, trying to get more. Some part of his brain was sending out warning signs that this was going to end badly if he didn't take care of some things, but Aiba was in the same situation and he was grinding down against Jun just right and right about now, Jun didn't care what happened so long as he could stay pressed against Aiba's body.

Aiba wanted to keep doing this forever, thrusting his hips down against Jun's, feeling the amazing friction it created, and from the sounds Jun was making, it seemed like he felt the same way.  Aiba's pants were feeling more and more uncomfortably tight, though, and suddenly he needed to be out of them.  His hips stilling, he reached down between them, resting his forehead on Jun's.  He opened his own button and zipper, and then, acting on instinct, he rested his hand on Jun's fly, looking into Jun's eyes.  He'd never done anything like this before, and his heart was beating fast in his chest, but in that moment, all he wanted was to make Jun feel good, and to have Jun make him feel good.

As Aiba rested a hand on the front of Jun's pants, Jun's eyes snapped up to meet Aiba's, his breath catching in his throat. He had made out with Aiba dozens of times in the past, but this was so much farther than they'd gone before, and that all came rushing to the forefront of Jun's mind as he felt Aiba peel away his clothing. Was this okay? Was it all right for him to let Aiba do this? But Aiba certainly didn't seem to mind, seemed to know what he was doing, and if Aiba wanted it, Jun had absolutely no qualms. Everything felt amazing, and it was even more amazing to know that he was doing it with Aiba, and if Aiba wanted to take things farther... Jun had no idea what was supposed to happen, but he trusted Aiba.

When Jun seemed to have no complaints, Aiba reached tentatively inside Jun's boxers, resting his weight on one elbow.  Wrapping his hand around hot flesh, Aiba pulled Jun out of his underwear, his heart beating in his ears and his own erection throbbing in his boxers.  Telling himself that it couldn't be much different from getting himself off, Aiba began moving his hand, watching Jun's face and unconsciously continuing to thrust lightly against Jun's thigh.

Jun cried out loudly when Aiba touched him, his mind going blank with pure pleasure as he felt the tight pressure of Aiba's hand on his skin. Squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back against the bed, he thrust his hips up against Aiba's touch, moaning without restraint. He couldn't think beyond the pleasure, beyond pressing his body against Aiba, and all too soon, he could feel himself losing control, spilling himself all over Aiba's hand. Gasping for breath and blinking back his vision, he dropped back onto the bed, limp and drained and completely overwhelmed with pleasure.

Aiba couldn't tear his eyes away from Jun, head thrown back, moaning with abandon, and he thrust harder against Jun's leg, gasping at the increased friction.  He moved his hand in time with his hips, and after a few moments, he felt Jun tensing beneath him, and warmth coated his hand.  "Matsujun--" he gasped out, overwhelmed by the knowledge of what had just happened.  He thrust his hips in an erratic rhythm, burying his face in Jun's shoulder, and moments later his body was seizing up and he was spilling himself inside his boxers.  "Matsujun..." he said again, collapsing on top of Jun.

Jun was still trying to catch his breath and gather himself when he felt Aiba's weight on top of him. His mind was still struggling to comprehend what had just happened, but at the moment, he was feeling warm and sated and like everything was perfect. Absently, he reached up, running a hand through Aiba's hair gently before bringing it to rest in the small of Aiba's back. "Aiba-chan," he murmured for really no reason, still not quite wrapping his mind around what they had just done.

When Aiba came back to himself enough to move, he rolled to the side slightly, snuggling up against Jun and wiping his hand on the sheets absently.  Aiba felt slow and sleepy (and sticky inside his underwear), but he also felt warm and comfortable and like everything was going be to okay.  He pulled Jun closer, breathing him in and tangling their legs together.  "Thank you, Matsujun," he whispered, nuzzling his face against Jun's.

Despite the fact that he was already feeling warm and happy and sated, at Aiba's words, it was as if everything in Jun's world was perfect, and smiled into Aiba's hair. He hummed pleasantly in response, resting his head against Aiba's. "I'd do anything," he replied softly, assurance that surprised him in his voice. "For you..." And it was true, he thought drowsily, Aiba meant the world to him, and Jun felt as if he'd do anything just to make him happy, just to be able to see him smile...


Jun was nervous. He had no real reason to be, he assured himself, but he was nervous all the same, and he shifted back and forth throughout the train ride, trying to keep his mind busy. There was really no reason for him to be upset, he reminded himself, after all, his life was looking up and up and up. The drama in which he and Aiba had appeared was now running on TV, and they had finished filming their movie. Over the past few months, he had been getting closer and closer to MAIN, too, and they had good chemistry together, he felt, good enough chemistry to nudge out some of their Junior compatriots. Especially, Jun was pleased to think, he had been getting closer to Aiba, and he spent almost every afternoon with him in some way, shape, or form. Whether it was going to the arcade or out for food with the rest of MAIN, an evening of karaoke between the two of them, or, Jun's favourite, making out on the floor of Aiba's bedroom, Jun felt lucky to get to see Aiba as much as he did. Aiba had become his closest friend, and somehow, Jun felt that they were even closer than that, but he didn't exactly know how to describe it.

But despite how well things had been going for Jun, there was still one small downer-- his twice-weekly meetings with his manager. He had been hoping, once the drama was airing and Shinjuku Shounen Tantei Dan was close to finished, his manager might have a bit of an easier time finding work for him and cut Jun a bit of a break, but things didn't slow down in the least, much to Jun's disappointment. It wasn't that Jun minded more than he had before, but now time with his manager was cutting into time that he could be spending with Aiba, and Jun hated to waste any time that the two of them could have had together.

But maybe, Jun had thought, his manager just hadn't thought about it, maybe if Jun asked for more of a break, his manager would understand. And so, as he made his way into the office building and knocked on the door, he held a little bit of hope. Especially since he was hoping to meet Aiba for dinner in an hour, and there was no way, on a regular day, he'd be out by then. But maybe, Jun thought, he'd be able to get out of it. After all, things were looking up.

Tanaka had always been attracted to the boys at Johnny's.  He knew he wasn't the only one; it was common knowledge that lots of things went on between staff and juniors behind closed doors, and of course everyone knew about the president's secret visits to the dorms.  He had never done much with his previous charges himself, though.  A little groping from time to time, or more than that once in a while if someone wanted to get ahead--but he had never come across such a perfect target as Matsumoto Jun before, either.  Lanky, shy, awkward, and insecure, but ever so ambitious, Jun-kun was practically asking to be taken advantage of in the world of Johnny's Entertainment.  Tanaka had realized this soon after being assigned to him, and things had escalated fairly quickly.  He held the boy's self-image in the palm of his hand, and over time he had learned to use it to his best advantage.

A glance at the clock told Tanaka that Jun-kun was due to arrive any minute now, and he jotted a few more notes down on the paperwork in front of him, stacking it neatly out of the way.  His charge was usually punctual, both to regular work and to private meetings like these, but an opportunity to scold him for being late was never a bad thing, so either way would be fine, really.  He leaned back in his chair, draining the last of his coffee and listening expectantly for the knock on the door. When the knock came, Tanaka sat up with a smile, only slightly disappointed at Jun-kun's punctuality. "Come in," he called.

Jun let himself in with a quiet, "Sorry to bother you," head bowed obsequiously as he closed the door behind him. His manager liked it best when Jun was quiet and polite, and since Jun was asking for a favour, he did his best to be as unassuming as possible. "Good evening," he greeted, offering a pleasant smile and taking another step inside. It was best, he had learned, to be submissive and let his manager do most of the talking, and so he waited before bringing up his request, trying to look small and inoffensive.

"Jun-kun," Tanaka greeted him with a smile, allowing his eyes to take in the boy before him.  Jun-kun was so small and obedient and polite, Tanaka couldn't quite believe it sometimes.  Puberty had granted him more awkwardness than other boys his age, it was true, but that was almost endearing at times, and quite useful at others, since Jun-kun was very much aware of his own faults.  "Come on in."  Tanaka beckoned Jun closer, smiling patronizingly.  "We wouldn't want to waste any time, would we?"

Nodding, Jun did as told, making his way over to stand before his manager. His palms felt sweaty with nervousness; Tanaka-san was a good manager, but he could be quite strict, and Jun didn't want to make him upset. Still, he was determined to ask, and so, swallowing back his nerves, he started, "Actually... there was something I wanted to ask you..." Jun's heart was beating quickly in his chest; for some reason, being so close to Tanaka-san this way did that to him, but once he had started, he couldn't stop. "Since I've been in a drama and a movie now, and all, I was wondering if maybe things weren't a little bit easier for you and... and if I couldn't maybe go a little earlier today?" There, he'd said it-- not particularly eloquently, but he'd said it, and hopefully his manager would agree. And besides, the worst he could do would be to say no, right?

Tanaka frowned.  Jun-kun was asking for time off--from this?  Something had clearly changed in the way the boy saw himself, and Tanaka had somehow failed to notice it until now.  "Jun-kun, I was the one who got you those jobs," Tanaka reminded him, his eyebrows knitting together.  "We have an appointment.  What could you possibly need the time off for?"

"I know-- of course," Jun replied quickly, apologetically, not wanting his manager to think that he was ungrateful. But at least Tanaka-san didn't seem angry, and so, hesitantly, Jun continued, looking down at his feet and shifting back and forth nervously. "I just thought... since I'd done those things... maybe it would be easier for you now, and I wouldn't have to do this as much to make up for things...?" He glanced up hopefully, his pulse coming quickly as he struggled to sound polite and unassuming while asking a favour. "It's just that... I wanted to meet a friend this evening... and I thought maybe..." He trailed, fidgeting and feeling very precarious, but he had asked, and now all he could do was hope for the best.

It was almost comical, how little Jun-kun understood about his own situation.  Tanaka shook his head sadly.  "You should know better than to make plans when you have another obligation, Jun-kun."  He crooked a finger, beckoning Jun-kun around to his side of the desk.  "I think you're very cute," he remarked, trailing a finger along Jun-kun's jawline, "But if you want to get anywhere in this industry, you have to learn to keep your obligations."  He frowned, his tone turning serious.  He was getting impatient, with Jun-kun so close, and so clearly nervous.  "Don't start thinking you're special just because you were in a movie."

His manager's words felt like a punch to Jun's gut, and his face fell. It was true, he knew, that he probably shouldn't have agreed to meet Aiba when he had an appointment with his manager, but he had just wanted to see him so badly, and he had thought that maybe there was a chance... but Tanaka-san of course knew the industry better than Jun did, and if he said Jun was no good... well, Jun would never doubt him. Clearly he had Jun's best interests in mind, but Jun knew that the entertainment industry was harsh to those who weren't gifted with good looks, and Jun was also very well aware that he was anything but good looking. Swallowing and feeling very small and insignificant, he wrung his hands and stared at the floor, unable to quite meet his managers eyes. His face felt hot and his eyes wet, and god, it was stupid, but if he didn't pull it together, he was going to cry. "I just thought..." he choked out quietly, his voice wavering, "I just thought that maybe..."

Tanaka was somewhat taken aback at Jun-kun's insistence, and his patience was really beginning to wear thin.  "Jun-kun, is this friend of yours more important than your job?  More important than me?"  Tanaka lifted Jun-kun's face up by his chin, taking in his wide, watery eyes and pitiful expression.  "Whatever you thought, you were mistaken."

When Jun's head was lifted, when he was forced to meet his manager's eyes, he couldn't hold it in anymore, and a few defiant tears broke free, streaming down his cheeks. His throat felt tight, and words weren't coming, but he shook his head quickly, feeling guilty for being selfish. It had been stupid, he thought in retrospect; he saw Aiba every day, and he had already had this meeting scheduled, so why had he thought he could change his plans? Besides, if he didn't keep doing what his manager wanted, he wouldn't be able to keep up with Aiba, and he'd be left behind... and that was the most horrifying thought of all. He would just have to work harder, he would have to earn himself more free time... but for now, all he could do was keep pleasing Tanaka-san, because without him, Jun knew, he was nothing. And so, swallowing back the lump in his throat, he took a deep breath before managing a weak, "I'm sorry... I'm really..." But his voice was cracking, and more tears were breaking lose, and Jun felt so incredibly stupid and useless that he didn't even know what else to say.

Satisfied that he had gotten his point across, Tanaka let his frown melt into a comforting smile.  "There, there, don't cry...  I'm sure you have the sense not to make the same mistake again, hm?"  Clearly, he still had Jun-kun under his thumb, and whatever friend the boy had been trying to meet had no power to oust him from his position in Jun-kun's life.  As he reached forward to wipe away a stray tear from Jun-kun's cheek, Tanaka could picture his red lips around his cock, his eyes still watery as they stared up at him, his breaths still uneven from his mouth being over full rather than from crying.  Tanaka swallowed, his hand stilling.  "You'll have to make it up to me, though.  I want to help you, but I can't just let something like that slide."

Jun's breath caught in his throat at Tanaka-san's words, and he nodded slowly, steeling himself. It wasn't so bad, really, what Tanaka-san wanted from him, and he reminded himself that it could be so much worse. He could have a mean manager who yelled at him all the time, or one who didn't really care about him the way Tanaka-san did. Tanaka-san did so much for him, and Jun knew that it was only right that he give a little in return... and there were worse things, he was sure. It was sort of like going to the dentist, or doing chores, or something, and Tanaka-san was usually very gentle with him. There were bruises sometimes, sure, and he was more often sore the next day than not, but in the long run, Jun knew it was what was best for him. "I'm sorry..." he repeated guiltily, hanging his head and waiting obediently for instruction.

Tanaka was already growing hard from the combination of his fantasy and its object, standing before him so submissive and guilty and apologetic.  "I can forgive you," he said softly, smiling patronizingly.  "Just make it up to me, hm?"  He pulled Jun-kun closer, spreading his knees apart to make room before pressing down on Jun-kun's shoulder, only hard enough to get his point across.  He admired the few stray tears still staining Jun-kun's face as he undid his pants slowly, savoring the moment.

Taking a deep breath and steadying himself, Jun got to his knees compliantly, looking up at his manager as he unzipped his fly. He wasn't exactly looking forward to what came next, but he knew it was only right for him to make it up to his manager for getting so full of himself earlier. The wood floor was hard against his knees, and he took a moment to shift himself, getting into the best position he could before straightening again and facing the task at hand.

It was difficult, doing everything that his manager wanted, because Jun was so small and so inexperienced and Tanaka-san was so demanding, but somehow, Jun managed.  He could grit his teeth and bear it for the sake of his job, for the sake of getting famous, and besides, he felt guilty that he had made Tanaka-san upset with him.  Still, it was rough sometimes, keeping a level head and remembering that this was what he had to do.  It was the worst when he was expected to do things himself; not only was it humiliating, but there was more chance for him to make a mistake, to make Tanaka-san disappointed in him again.  

And so, when his manager asked, Jun bent over the desk obediently, relief flooding him as Tanaka-san took over. For the most part, getting to the actual act meant that they were almost done, meant that Jun would not be required to actively do much else besides bend over and take it. Which was fine, because that was the easy part, and Tanaka-san never hurt him intentionally or anything horrible like that. He seemed to want to make it feel good for Jun too, which, if nothing else, distracted his mind from the whole thing. It was embarrassing, admittedly, when he couldn't hold back the noises of response that his throat seemed to make without his consent, but Tanaka-san liked that, anyway, and Jun supposed he should be wanting to please his manager at times like these. It was better than talking, at any rate, and so he whimpered and groaned his way through until his body gave out and he spilled himself over Tanaka-san's hand.

He was never very aware directly after that, which was a bit of a blissful reprieve from reality, but as he gasped for breath against the unyieldingly hard surface of the desk, he could feel Tanaka-san drive into him a few more times before filling his body with a sticky wetness that Jun knew was going to be a disgusting reminder of what had happened that evening until he made it home to the shower. It was a moment until Tanaka-san pulled away, leaving a sticky trail down the insides of Jun's thighs as he gasped at the sensation of being suddenly empty again. Swallowing, he peeled himself from the surface of the desk, trying to avoid meeting his manager's eyes as he reached for the box of tissues and attempted to clean himself as best possible. Throwing away the wad of tissue paper and feeling filthy all the same, Jun wrinkled his nose and tried not to think about it as he stepped back into his boxers and pants. He'd have to wash them in the sink before putting them into the laundry, but it wasn't like it was anything new, and he tried to distract himself as he bent to retrieve the rest of his clothing.

Tanaka collapsed back into his chair, grabbing a tissue to clean his hand before tucking himself back into his pants.  He watched lazily as Jun-kun dressed, enjoying how thoroughly debauched he looked.  "You've got a cute ass," he remarked as it disappeared beneath Jun-kun's boxers, "But you should really do something about those eyebrows."  He stood when Jun-kun had finished dressing, crossing to where he stood and placing a hand on his head.  "You're a hard worker, but with those looks it's going to be tough for you in this industry."  He had probably already gotten his point across earlier, but a little reinforcement never hurt.

Jun looked up at his manager sadly, regarding him for a moment. He knew Tanaka-san was always looking out for him, and that that meant he had to be honest, but it hurt sometimes, to have the truth told to him so plainly. Swallowing and feeling somehow close to tears again-- it had been a long evening, and he was worn out-- he nodded, trying to find his voice. "I'll... do my best," he replied obsequiously, blinking up at Tanaka-san with wide, watery eyes. He would have to; it was because of his horrible looks that he was stuck doing this, that he had to give extra. But for right now, all he wanted was to go home, shower, and get to bed, and so, sniffing, he asked quietly, "May I... go now?"

There was something incredibly adorable about Jun-kun's teary eyes and his high-pitched, boyish voice, and Tanaka patted him on the shoulder comfortingly.  "Do your best," he said, nodding.  His hand trailed down past the small of Jun-kun's back as he turned to leave, lingering briefly on his ass.  "I'll see you on Thursday."

The train ride home always felt like years after Jun had been in a private meeting with his manager. He felt dirty and disgusting both physically and emotionally, and all he wanted was a hot shower and to get to bed. Sleep, he had discovered was the easiest way to block out memories of what he had just done, of the dull ache coming from his rear and the bruises on his shoulders from being shoved into the hard desk, and he couldn't get home soon enough.

He was almost to his stop when he remembered Aiba. He hadn't said with certainty, but he had been hopeful that they would be able to meet. There was still a chance that Aiba would be around, that Jun could call, or catch him... but really, the hope was only momentary in Jun's chest. There was no way he could be seen by anyone in this state, not to mention Aiba. He was a mess, he was tired, and the memory of Aiba was almost enough to push him into tears... but he pulled himself together as the train reached his stop and he got off. Right now, he needed to get home, get clean, and get in bed. Soon enough, he would see Aiba again, would apologize for standing him up, and they would move on. He would just have to learn not to give in to temptation and try to see Aiba on the same days as appointments with Tanaka-san.

But as much as he tried not to think about it, he continued to stew on everything through his shower. As he stepped out and caught a glimpse of himself in the steamy mirror, he was reminded of his manager's words, and almost visibly winced. He really was ugly, he thought, running a hand through his hair. But if he did something about his eyebrows, changed the way he dressed, maybe got his hair done and learned to use a little makeup... maybe then it would be easier for him in the entertainment business. Maybe, if he put some hard work into his appearance now, he'd have to spend less time with his manager, which meant more time with Aiba. If it was what he had to do, Jun would do it. Jun would do anything to get ahead... and to get out of his obligation to his manager.


Aiba was worried about Matsujun.  In the weeks following Sally's death, they had started to spend even more time together, and Aiba didn't know what he would have done without Matsujun there supporting him.  He was an amazing friend--just like in everything else Matsujun did, Aiba could tell that he was putting his all into being his friend, and Aiba tried to do the same in return.  They had also been doing a lot of making out lately, especially after their feverish make-out session the day Sally had died.  The next time they were kissing, Aiba had thought back on it, on the fumbling handjob he'd given Jun and how amazing it all had felt, and he'd wanted so badly to try it all again (or again and again).  Jun had seemed a little embarrassed when Aiba asked, but it was all worth it in the end.  It was like an amazing addition to making out, Aiba thought, and he was ecstatic that Matsujun seemed to think so, too.

After a few weeks, though--Aiba couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had started--something about Matsujun began to change.  There was one night when he had stood Aiba up, which he had never done before, but he had apologized over and over the next day, saying that he had forgotten about a meeting with his manager, and maybe the timing had just been a coincidence.  Still, sometime around then it had begun to feel like Jun had started to have less time to see Aiba.  They were both busy, obviously, and Aiba wouldn't have been upset at him for that, but something else was changing about him, too.  He would make excuses not to hang out one day, and the next, he would come in with a new set of clothes and a new product in his hair, and it was just weird.  It was like he was trying to become someone else...and in the process, maybe leave Aiba behind.

The worst thing, though, and the thing that made Aiba worry the most, was that Matsujun didn't smile much anymore.  It wasn't that he looked sad all the time, or anything, but he wasn't joking around with people as much, or handing out grins the way he used to.  Matsujun had always been serious about work, but Aiba loved his smile, and it made his heart ache when for days on end he didn't see Matsujun let go enough for it to come out.  Aiba couldn't just stand by and watch a friend--a friend as important to him as Matsujun--turn into...something.  Something that wasn't Matsujun.  He had to try to help somehow, so he resolved to talk to Matsujun about it as soon as possible.

That day after dance class, when everyone had packed up their things and started to head out, Aiba pulled Jun to the side.  "Matsujun~" he said, cocking his head to the side.  "How are you?"  He didn't quite know how to bring it up, but he hoped that Matsujun still felt like Aiba was someone he could confide in.

Since the meeting where Jun had tried to get out early, Jun had redoubled all of his efforts towards stardom. He put even more into his dance classes and voice lessons, practiced old scripts when he didn't have any acting gigs, and, for the first time, really started working on his appearance. Jun had, of course, kept himself well before, but he had never really thought about being trendy and appealing. He had focused more on his work, but after hearing it enough times from his manager, he knew just working hard wasn't enough. And so, recently, he had had his hair done, and was learning to style it right, and he'd be trying to buy more fashionable clothes. He was balking on getting his eyebrows done (it sounded so painful) but he was doing everything else in his power-- he'd even asked his sister for some of her old skin products, and she had been delighted to set him up with his own facial routine. And so, now, he felt, so long as he stuck with it and worked as hard as possible on all fronts, he'd be able to break free of his debt to Tanaka-san.

Unfortunately, it meant in the meanwhile, he had to give up some of his time with Aiba. It was rough, when being with Aiba was really the motivation behind it all, but Jun knew that he couldn't slack now if he wanted to be able to stay together in the long run. Even if it was difficult and he was stressed and tired all the time, Jun knew he could do it. But that didn't mean he didn't take his time with Aiba when it came, and so, when Aiba came over to him after class, he offered a tired smile. "I'm all right. You?"

"Okay~" Aiba replied, keeping his voice light, but inside he was frowning.  Matsujun was smiling, but that wasn't his real smile.  Something had to be wrong, and the thought made his insides twist with worry.  "Wanna grab food?  We could go to my house after, too, if you want!"  It had been less than a week since they had last hung out at Aiba's, but it felt like ages, and if they were going to have a heart-to-heart that was probably a better place than the dance studio anyway.

Jun bit his lip, hovering over his duffle bag and avoiding looking at Aiba's face. He wanted to say yes so badly, but he had to some of his homework done before his meeting with Tanaka-san later that evening. Maybe, he thought, maybe he could go for dinner... and he did need to eat... but, he scolded himself, he had to concentrate on his work if he wanted to get ahead, and he couldn't spend all his energy on his work if he fell behind in school. And so, swallowing and steeling himself, he gave a regretful smile. "Sorry... I've got a meeting with my manager later, and I've got homework."

Aiba's face fell.  They used to do homework together all the time--sure, it usually turned into making out fairly quickly, but that didn't mean they never got any work done.  And, well, Matsujun had always had a lot of meetings with his manager, but...wasn't that a little weird?  Aiba didn't have to meet with his manager nearly as often.  Still, if Matsujun was busy then it couldn't be helped.  "That's too bad..."  Aiba shifted from one foot to the other, trying to decide how to phrase his concern.  "You've been so busy lately...  Is it okay?"

Jun's stomach clenched at the question, and he fiddled with his bag, trying to figure out how to answer. "Yeah, of course," he replied with a forced laugh. "We're both busy, right? Getting famous and all that." Making light of the situation was the easiest thing, he knew; explaining to Aiba that he wasn't good enough to be an idol and all the issues and obligations that came along with that would not only be humiliating but difficult and probably unbelievable, and so he shrugged. "Sorry... can I take a rain check?"

"Yeah, just..."  Aiba pursed his lips and looked at the floor, thinking.  He knew Matsujun was busy, but that wasn't really the problem.  He needed to let Matsujun know that he was worried, but he didn't want to embarrass him or anything...  And he didn't want to make Matsujun think that he was mad at him for not being able to hang out.  Aiba was disappointed, obviously, but in the end it wasn't about him.  He looked back up at Jun.  "Just, are you sure you're okay?  Getting famous is supposed to be fun...right?"

"Well, I mean," Jun laughed nervously; why was Aiba digging this much? Jun didn't want to get into it, but he didn't want to blow Aiba off, either. "It's hard work at the beginning, I guess. But it'll pay off...?" But Jun knew that it would, that it had to, because it was the only way he could get through it all now. "Sorry... I'll come next time for sure, okay?" Because Jun would really, really, really rather be spending time with Aiba than with his manager, but it wasn't really a choice. Besides, he still remembered what happened last time, and he didn't want to have to go through the guilt and the scolding again.

Aiba nodded, looking hard at Jun.  He clearly didn't really want to talk about it, but Aiba had to figure out what was wrong.  He wished they were somewhere else, because he wanted so badly to touch Jun somehow, to be cuddled up against each other on his bed or even just to be having this conversation somewhere that wasn't the middle of the dance studio.  He couldn't do anything about that now, though, and he fidgeted, rubbing his neck for lack of anything else to do with his hands.  "You changed your hair, didn't you?" he said, the words falling out of his mouth before he really thought about them.  It was probably a weird thing to bring up so suddenly, but... Aiba couldn't shake the feeling that Matsujun's changes to his appearance were related to the changes in the way he acted, so maybe it was a good thing to ask about anyway.

Eyes widening at Aiba's words, Jun ran a hand through his hair, blushing. "Does it look good?" he asked, grinning sheepishly, "Do you like it?" Jun had been working hard to do his hair every morning with a variety of projects that his sister's hair dresser had recommended to him. If Aiba thought it looked good, Jun would definitely feel as if things were going in the right direction; he valued Aiba's opinion the highest out of all his friends.

"Yeah--  Yeah, it looks good!"  Aiba nodded enthusiastically.  There was a hint of Matsujun's real smile, and Aiba still couldn't get over how cute he could look when he blushed.  Still, though...  "You've been changing a lot of things lately... haven't you?"  Aiba cocked his head to the side again, furrowing his brow.  Sure, Matsujun's new hair looked good, but he couldn't quite understand why he was trying to change so much.

Jun's brows furrowed at Aiba's question. "Yeah," he replied waveringly, "I've been... working on my image. My manager wants me to." Smoothing his shirt unconsciously, he shifted, feeling agitated. The way Aiba had said that didn't really sound like a good thing, and Jun didn't know what the problem was. "Why?"

Matsujun's manager wanted him to?  Aiba hadn't liked his manager that much before, and this wasn't really helping his impression.  He didn't know how to explain how he felt, though.  He couldn't stop Matsujun from changing his appearance if he really wanted to, but at the same time it made Aiba really sad to see him trying to change himself.  Aiba liked him the way he was--and he especially liked the way Matsujun acted, which seemed like it was changing along with his looks.  He swallowed, trying to figure out what to say.  Aiba couldn't tell Matsujun what to do, but what if it wasn't what he really wanted?  "I-- I like you the way you are!" he blurted out.

It felt like someone had punched Jun in the gut. Aiba was telling him not to change his image? On one hand, Jun was glad that Aiba liked him, but on the other hand, what did he know about anything? And why was he getting so upset about it? Jun's problems were so much deeper than those of someone who was naturally beautiful and talented and perfect in every way, how could Aiba even understand? It made Jun's heart squeeze in his chest with something that felt like pain and anger and he didn't even know what. Shifting back and forth in agitation, he pursed his lips, trying to figure out what he was feeling and how to respond. "You just... you don't understand."

"I-- no-- I meant--" Aiba floundered, feeling crushed by Jun's dismissive tone.  What didn't he understand?  Didn't Jun trust him enough to tell him about it?  Aiba felt a lump growing in his throat, and he swallowed it back furiously, shaking his head.  "I'm worried about you!" he cried, looking into Jun's eyes and wishing he would understand.  "I'm not trying to stop you, it's just...  You've been acting different lately!  You...you don't seem happy..."  Aiba's voice trailed off, and he looked away, willing himself not to cry.

"I have to act differently," Jun burst before he could stop himself. Aiba's hysteria was pushing Jun towards tears, as well, and he ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of any way to avoid this conversation. He didn't want to explain the whole situation to Aiba, he didn't want to talk about all his problems when, in a few hours, he was going to have to live them, bent over and pressed against the hard surface of his manager's desk. But his pulse was racing now, and his face was red, and he could feel the tears pooling in his eyes. "I know you can sing and act and dance and you were born drop-dead gorgeous, but this is what I have to do, okay?"

Aiba's eyes shot back to Jun, and he stared at him, shocked.  "Me?  What are you talking about?"  Did Jun really think he was worse than Aiba, worse than the other members of MAIN and the rest of the Juniors?  That was ridiculous, and Aiba didn't understand what Jun was saying about him, either.  Aiba was awkward and too tall for his age, not gorgeous or whatever Jun was calling him.  "You're in MAIN, you're in Johnny's, I don't understand what you're saying--"  Aiba cut himself off before his voice could rise any farther in pitch, forcing himself to take a breath.  "Do you really think you have to change who you are and leave your friends behind to succeed?"  His hands were balling into fists, and he hadn't really meant to say that last part, but he couldn't understand why Jun wouldn't just talk to him about what was wrong.

Aiba's words hit Jun like punches, and he winced visibly under the bombardment. "I have to work," he shot back, a defiant tear breaking forth and rolling down his face. This was bad, this was really bad, he didn't need to cry and he didn't need to fight with his best friend. He should just shut up and leave it be, go somewhere to cool off, but it felt like Aiba had cut right into the part of Jun that was the most vulnerable, the part that hurt the most, and he wiped at his face with his sleeve in vain. "I don't have natural talent or looks like you so I have to work as hard as I possibly can so that you don't leave me behind." As soon as the words were out of Jun's mouth, he knew he'd regret them, but it was the truth-- Jun's deepest fear was of wonderful, beautiful Aiba moving on and leaving stupid plain old Jun behind in the dust. If Aiba was going to accuse Jun of forgetting his friends... well, that went both ways.

Aiba opened his mouth to reply, to offer support, something, because what Jun was saying was still ridiculous, but then he heard the end of Jun's statement.  He was afraid of Aiba leaving him behind?  The knowledge felt like someone punching Aiba in the stomach, and he swallowed hard, wondering whether he would be able to speak without breaking down.  He couldn't believe that Jun thought Aiba might leave him behind, when Jun meant so much to Aiba.  "Do you really not trust me?" he forced out.  "You're my friend."

Jun's breath was coming in short gasps now, more tears breaking free as his control over himself wavered. This was so stupid, he should never have gotten into this in the first place but the fact that Aiba kept making this about him when Jun was struggling so hard... it was so clear that he just didn't understand. "This isn't about you!" he cried, voice cracking as he began to cry in earnest, "This isn't about whether I trust you or not! This is about the fact that you're going places and you're going to get debuted and if I don't put in the effort, I'm not. Okay?" But Jun couldn't keep doing this, he couldn't keep fighting when Aiba was clearly never going to understand and this was only making things worse. And so, "I have to go meet my manager," he choked out, grabbing his things and turning away, hurrying out the door before Aiba could stop him. Everything in Jun's life, it seemed, was being pulled apart for the sake of work, but when they both calmed down, he hoped that he'd be able to make up with Aiba. Still, right now, he was running out of time before he was due in his manager's office, and things were looking absolutely abysmal.

Aiba's tears finally broke free as Jun stormed out of the room, and he followed a moment later, heading for the bathroom.  He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, and he rubbed his eyes angrily, trying to get his breathing under control.  For a moment he had been angry, but now he was just upset.  Aiba hated fighting with his friends, and with someone as important to him as Jun, it was even worse.  He would have to apologize, and just...be there for Jun.  Jun was clearly having a hard time, and whatever happened, Aiba had to be there for him, if Jun wanted him.